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Saturday, December 12, 2009



YEP you guessed it another one of those days for Officer Maggie.
AKA…Ms. Pearl  WARNING this post is not for readers with weak stomachs. Please come back another day! Sorry

Officer T brings in a really obnoxious guy that is apparently to drunk to stand up and we somehow manage to empty his pockets, search him and put in him in the drunk tank until he is sober enough to be booked in the system. Along with this guy is a woman brought in that was in the car with him and yes she was apparently pretty drunk too. Of course, being the female Officer of the group I get the honors of emptying her pockets and doing the shake down. It was not to hard of a shake down since her pants were glued on and there was no way anything could have been hid inside of them or the pockets without showing. I am thinking I need to get her booked in before she passes out and then it would be hours before I could get her information. So I take her into the booking room and start the procedure of asking the mandatory questions, taking the pictures and doing the fingerprints. One of the standard questions is Are You Married? She replies, “Yes but promise me you want call him! He gets mad as H--- when I go out with my Santa Baby!” You know me I could not resist I say, "Not a very understanding husband you have!"

I assure her that the only phone calls will be to the parties she wants to call. I then ask her to stand up and let me take her pictures. She manages to stand where I tell her and I snap two pictures front and side. Then I ask do you have any tattoo’s….because we have to take pictures of all tattoos. Well believe it or not this woman turns around and moons me! It was not a moon to her it was to show me her tattoo on her behind. OH MY I try to remain in a calm voice and tell her there is no need to show me tattoos below the waist line. Good golly Ms Molly it reminded me of another time I was mooned. It was by my ex’s mother before we were married at a New Years Eve Party. That moon should have told me not to marry this East Texas Boy.

Anyway back to the present story. In the meantime while I am booking this lady in her companion has been busy spreading crap yep you read it right His Crap all over the walls of the drunk tank.

I whisper to myself just hang on u only have 8 hours left on this shift and I go find my partner to help me move this guy to a cell with a shower. After we return this nut had written on the window that is on the door….I AM Going to SUE You…..yes you guessed it wrote it with his own crap but not only did he do that he wrote it BACKWARDS so that way I could read it when I walked up to the door.



COMING SOON another giveaway from me to you!



Me....bunny said...

I think you should introduce her to your judge date....he might like it. And as far as this guy....some of 'em are just full of you know...Ha, ha, ha! Thank God I deal with 12 and 13 year olds...although, some of them are pretty crappy too!


Grandma Yellow Hair said...

How funny Bunny (hey that rhymes) I thought the very same thing when I was driving home from work. She might be a real good match for the Judge!
lol you are funny Bunny

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, how horrid!!! I'm so sorry for you!! What characters you must meet...a never ending source of blog material, but that's about all you can say for that...Hope the lead in to Christmas will be filled with better days than this one was...Hugs, Janine

Brenda @Cozy Little House said...

Um, yes they tend to do this at the state hospital where husband works. What is it about crap and drunks/and or the mentally ill? Why would they choose to touch it, much less write with it? Lord, when can you retire?

LuLu Kellogg said...

She would be the perfect date for the Judge!! *snort*

Maggie, God Bless You for the crap you have to put up with. (no pun intended) *giggle*


Anonymous said...

Well Maggie... I know that your job is very thankless but I sure am glad that someone like you do it!!
Reading your blog I sometimes think you remind me of the stories of Janet Evanovich!!
Happy Holidays!

The French Bear said...

Hahaha........ yeah, I remember helping my friend with situations like that...... you have a thankless job somedays!!!! Although I am always grateful for the men and women in uniforms!!!!
Margaret B

sissie said...

Oh my gosh, you are too funny. Seems to me as though Ms. Tatoo really deserves her Santa Baby, I bet the two of them can really stir the sh............t.LOL.
My goodness, the stuff you must see!

Bunny Rose Cottage said...

Oh my GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so funny! And a LOT stronger than I! I dont think I would have made it through five minutes. I agree with Sissie, those two were made for each other, talk about nasty!!

Anonymous said...

All this and you are not insane yet:) Your ex mother in law mooned you???? Hilarious, now, but I'm sure not so much at the time.

Sue @ Not the Good Scissors! said...

You do have to be strong to work in the jail. Drunks have to be the worse. I don't think I would have the patience.

Nikia, May and da kids said...

You must see a lot of weird and funny things at work. I think people who work with the public in general see alot of stupid stuff. Well better the guy and not the lady you had to "host."


Leah the Orange said...

OH, MAGGIE!!! how utterly nasty, but so UNsurprising. these people have such CLASS, really!

i managed a Blockbuster video for a while, and i had this weird customer who used to talk too much and try to get too personal (i think he had "problems", though i'm not sure of the nature). he rented movies EVERY SINGLE DAY. one morning, he asked me to recommend a movie, and i did, based on what i'd seen and thought he might like, given his renting history. well he apparently didn't like it.

he dropped the movie off in the slot with duct tape wrapped around it (we literally had to CUT IT OUT), and with a note inside the case that was just full of vulgarities. i had to call to tell him we wouldn't be able to rent to him again, based on his behaviour.

so he wrote us a formal apology, and came in personally to speak with me. after some consideration, i let him off the hook, with a big, fat warning. at some point while he was in the store, he used the bathroom, and then as he left, he smiled a big smile and was laughing and winking at me.

a little later, i was informed by one of my employees that we had a "problem" in the bathroom.

OMG. he had smeared it all over the walls, the door, the floor, the mirror, the taps... his feces were even on the CEILING, as he apparently splattered it everywhere he possibly could.

i was told by upper management not to press charges, as he had mental problems and it would just create more issues for all of us (and a yucky court battle). the bathroom had to be barricaded until we could get a power washer in there. *shudder*

that's my story. since you were so generous with your details, i thought i'd share, too! :)

Delena said...

God, aren't there some weirdos in this world. My hubby is a retired firefighter. For 30 years he saw so many weird things nothing shocks him anymore. Yes, police and firefighters definetly experience life like no other profession could even imagine!
Love your blog!

Stephanie ~ Angelic Accents said...

ewwwwwww! There isn't enough $ in the world. . .

Angelic Accents

Jenny S said...

Oh my goodness! What a life you lead! I imagine you took a good shower after that day too!

hippo chick said...

Oh my! I guess it isn't funny, but pathetic. I'm sorry for that mess. Some people just don't know how to celebrate Christmas - or anything else for that matter.

I just read your post about the date. That's just why my mom decided she wasn't going to date after her divorce from my dad. I do believe there are some good guys out there though.

~hippo hugs~

Marie said...

Since he put it there, couldn't you make him clean it? I don't think it would have bothered him much since it certainly didn't bother him to touch it the first time. Better yet, have him do it sober when all his senses are at 100%.

A big thanks to you for wearing that uniform and caring enough about us to do it.

jojo said...

crap and puke, it's what kept me out of nursing school. Other than that I would have been damn good! You are certainly a lot stronger than I Maggie, I would have lost it and Ms Pearl would have looked like a saint..;p

Arkansas Patti said...

Yikes, better thee than me. Amazing that he wasn't drunk enough that he was able to write backwards. That takes concentration.
Perhaps teens with beginning alcohol problems should spend a night in drunk tank around a holiday. Bless you for the job you do.

Nezzy said...

I wish Mr. Poop and Mrs. Tattoo a wonderful life together because it's evident her marriage just went down the toilet! What a hilariously disturbing story. I love the pics you found to document it. Heeeeheeehee. So sorry ya have to put up with such nasty behavior!!!

Have a wonderful relaxing weekend void of any messages on the wall. God bless you and all you do!

Hootin' Anni said...

Just three words from me....O MY GOD...or should that be "DOG YM O"

Carol @ TheWritersPorch said...

Lord Have Mercy! LOL!

OleCrowsNestJournal_Nan said...

Wow hard and interesting day for you! Hope tomorrow is a better day!!! Take care now :)

Sharon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pansy Cottage Girl said...

Hello Maggie~
So nice to meet you. Your stories are so funny. Hang in there girlfriend , your Knight in shining armor is out there somewhere. Perhaps a nice fireman....they are more the romantic rescueing type,lol!

Kissed by an Angel said...

Hi Maggie!! Well that was really funny!! But not if you get to clear up I guess!!! Seasons Greeting to you -you sound like you need them!!!


Dixie said...

now... that's funny!

Thanks for visiting, commenting, following and/or blogging about my 300th post giveaway! Good Luck!

Blessing. Dixie

Brighid said...

Whoa, don't think I could even come close to putting up with that sort of thing. Your made of better stuff than the people you have to deal with.
I agree with the others The Judge sounds perfect for Santa Moon woman.

tattered 'n torn prims said...

That dude must be a genius to be able to write backwards while drunk.....well....maybe not since it was in crap...but still!!! tee hee hee!! ROFLOL!!!!

Thanks for sharing!! LOL!!

Dessa said...

Ucky!!! How charming.

Tammy in Ontario, Canada said...

Your stories are too funny. I really enjoy reading them.

Libbie said...

Oh Maggie ~ You do live the life! I can not even believe that! I even had my hubby read it! Terrible! I hope you handed him a mop & bucket & said you can make your phone call when this dump shines like the top of the Chrystler Building :)

Auntie Cake said...

Oh man, totally stinks (sorry, couldn't resist...) to have to deal with not only the crap, but the judge as well. My hubby also works as a CO, I am thinking he would have made the guy sit in that cell a bit longer.... You were much nicer than he would have been. I am hoping Santa brings something nice for you as a little reward for the past month.