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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Not Proud of Myself!

Last night I spent hours trying to organize old pictures. The whole time I was really telling myself off for not being like my daughter-in-law Andrea and having pictures in books where they belong. She is one of those that can make a photo album into a piece of art.

I also finally threw out a bunch of ole pic's of me and the idiot. Yeah I saved a few but most are gone as soon as the trash man picks them up. I dumped last nights leftovers on top of them so I would not go back to the bag and rethink what I had done.

That is a question I have pondered for a long time now. What do you do with pictures of the ex? Do you keep them or do you throw them away. He threw me away for a bimbo so why have I not thrown his pictures away. Any ideas?

Okay enough of that nonsense that is not my reason for coming by this morning. It's this picture above I found and brought back hilarious and sad memories of the two standing here together. On the left with the long black hair in much need of some bangs and a haircut is Moi'. Yep I was born with black hair and yes it is hard to believe the color of it now. Beside me is Linda a girlfriend of mine since childhood. We grew up together and for years I was madly in love with her brother Tommy. Oh my gosh how he made my heart sing. Another post some day.

Years after we both graduated and I moved to the small town I now live in Linda came back into my life needed a place to live. It did not work out for us because sadly I found out the hard way that she had a serious drinking problem and I had three small children to consider.

The story I wanted to share with you is one I am not proud of how I handled the situation. As I mentioned I was single at the time with three small babies and working two and three jobs. It was a week before Christmas and I had one day off to do all my shopping. Some how Linda found out that I was driving to a mall in Houston to Christmas shop. She phoned me early that morning asking if she could come along. After numerous episodes of dealing with Linda on outings I told her no that I had only this day to buy everything on my list and I could not put up with her and shop too. She was not one to take no for an answer. I found her in my car waiting on me when I went out to get in my car.

We drive twenty three miles to the first little town towards Houston and Linda says pull into a little store Maggie and I will buy us a Dr. Pepper for the trip. I told her I was okay but like I mentioned she did not take No for an answer.
I pulled in to a convenience store and I sit waiting on her to come back out. Realizing she had spent way too much time getting our drinks I go inside. She was not at the counter so I walk to the back of the store. There Linda was standing at the cooler not the soft drink coolers but the beer coolers. She was happily downing what she could manage of a six pack before I walked up and scared the crap out of her.
I think I yelled at her so loud she dropped the one in her hand. I remember thinking how could anyone do this. Here was a beautiful young woman standing at a cooler inside a store gulping beer.

I took what was left of the six pack made her pay the guy and we got back in the car. I was furious! She knew how angry I was and immediately started the pleading of it won't happen again and please please don't take her back home because she had shopping to do too.

Can you believe I was stupid enough to keep driving to Houston. I remember at one point on the trip Linda looked into the vanity mirror on her side and said, "God I am Beautiful!" I don't think if I live to be a hundred I will ever forget her doing this. lol

We make it to the mall and the first store I walk into is a Sears. I wanted to find some shirts for my brothers before I started buying for the kids. Linda pretended to be looking for a shirt for her brother and I look up from the shirts and I actually see her running for the doors that led to the rest of the mall.

I think I just shook my head and thought I guess I can shop easier without her. Who knows what my pea brain was thinking. It needed help anyway for bringing her.

Late that afternoon I had already made several trips to the car with packages but I remember having a doll of Christi's in my hand and some other toys when I see a police officer pulling a young lady by the arm and she is not following along very easily. It took a second for the truth to registrar that it was my Linda. The one I brought with me to shop.
She spots me just at that moment and starts screaming. That's my friend Maggie! Officer I told you I had a friend here. Then she starts hollaring to me to get my attention.
To say I am dumbfounded is not quite the word. I swear if I could of melted into one of those cracks in the tile floor at that minute I would of not hesitated.
The Officer and Linda are now face to face with me and he says,"Do you know this young lady?" Never hesitated one second and I said,"I have never seen her before in my life!"
Can you believe that I was this mean. I still after thirty years later can't imagine me answering him with such a lie.
He then led Linda down the hallway with every Christmas shopper watching and wondering what such a pretty girl had done to be in the arms of a policeman.
I sat down on one of the benches and just stared at them walking away. I know I did not sit there five minutes when another Officer walked by and I ask him where they take people that are picked up in the mall.
He gave me directions to the Security Office and I got there as fast as I could. Now we not talking but a few minutes and when I got there they had already taken her to downtown Houston to book her in to Jail.
The Officer that I had lied to answered my questions and I more than once told him I was sorry for telling him I did not know her. He was rather nice about it and told me he probably would of done the same thing. lol
Turns out he explained even if I had confessed to knowing her he was still taking her to jail. Turns out after she left me she found the nearest little bar inside the mall and was having drinks. I did not even know these malls had places you could order alcohol. I was not a drinker. While drinking she had ordered a sandwich from the bartender and somehow the sandwich ended up being thrown back at him.

I ask the Officer how much would it cost me to get her out of jail to take her back home. He told me at least eight hundred dollars. I told him I would have to take everything I bought that day to come up with that kind of money and he told me not to do that.
Riding back home I was beside myself knowing I had to be the one to call her parents and tell them the story. Back then there were no cell phones so I had to get home to make the call. The phone was ringing when I walked into the house and it was Linda calling collect from the jail. She was begging me to come get her. I tried to explain to her I did not have that kind of money and I had to call her parents. Of course that was the last thing she wanted me to do but I had no choice.
That phone call probably cost me the love of her mother when I told the truth of what happened in Houston.
I noticed after that a change with Linda's mother and I hated that because I loved her dearly.
Linda's parents decided to let her spend the night in the Houston Jail which is something I don't think as a parent I could of done. I realize now though that probably was not the first time they had to deal with getting her out of messes from drinking.
Amazing but the first place Linda came after getting back home was to my house. She acted like nothing had ever happened. It did though I realized just how serious my child hood friend need intervention and I tried my best to get her help but I guess after a while she tired of listening to me and moved away.
I often wonder how she is doing. We have lost contact over the years. The last time I spoke with her was several years ago when my Mom had passed away and she phoned to say how sorry she was for my loss.
I honestly don't think she ever got any help and I hate that for her. She really was a beautiful young lady.

Now I must get busy around here. If you could see this house you would think I need help.

Love to all


Marydon said...

Such a sad altho humor tucked in write, precious Maggie. Her parents did do the right thing leaving her in jail ... they can live with their selves for doing the right thing. I have done that, tho like them it probably didn't do a lick of good.

Maggie, you MUST get this book written ... a BEST SELLER for sure.
Love you, sweet friend ~
Forever & always,

Rebecca said...

I'm totally speechless here. I truly am. Not sure if I should feel bad more for you or her.

About the pics???

I say cut him off and keep what's left of you! :)


Retired English Teacher said...

This is a very sad account. I had a somewhat similar incident with a girlhood friend of mine. It did not include drinking, but rather it included a breakdown of sorts. It was scary experience and not one I had the skills to know how to handle. I think you did the best thing for your friend. Perhaps, not the part about not knowing her, but like I said, skills to know how to handle these situations is not something we were taught when we were young. I do hope she go some help at some point.

Nezzy said...

Oh darlin', our hearts go out fully to those we love but no matter what we do, they have to want to help themselves.

My heart go out to her but especially to you for carryin' this all these years.

You probably did your friend more good than you know by leavin' her in jail besides, you truly didn't have the choice.

The blame has to fall at her feet sweetie, not yours.

God bless and please feel peace in your heart over this. Please!!!

Debby said...

I don't think you should feel bad about this. All these years and you still are. That's sweet. Youdidn't want to take her. Then she did that at the convenient store.....I would have said I didn't know her either. You went well beyond friendship. No she probably never changes. They have to hit bottom before they do. You are such a good person and don't forget that.

Debby said...

Oh, I knew that was you in the picture. Youlook the same just different hair. Mine was dark as well.....funny how you can change so color that is.

Anonymous said...

My son-in-law asked me once;
Mom, do you go to the Weird Store and ask for a really weird person to have in your life?
Funny Boy.
You are SO funny, GYH!

Julia said...

Maggie, there are some people who are toxic and I think that Linda must have been a toxic person. They can suck the life out of a relationship and leave you totally drained.

I don't think that it was good for you or your kids to have her as a friend because she would have made your life miserable even though she was a childhood friend.

It was for the best that you went your separate ways but I know that you are a caring person and all you can do for her now is pray that she gets help for her addiction if she still needs it.

Pictures are there to remind us of something that has passed, in this case, get rid of them. Maybe the kids want them for their grandchildren but you certainly don't need a reminder. You are way better off without him.

My calves are calling...
Love you Maggie. JB

PoetessWug said...

Tough!...And too bad too. I've dealt with alcoholism in my family and I know how much strength it takes to tow the line with a drinker. I'm glad you fond the strength. Maybe one day she'll call again...sober...and thanking you. If not, live with YOU in peace.

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Maggie, you are so sweet worrying about something like that after all these years! Have you ever thought about the fact that she had no problem embarrassing you?

My sister just cut all the pictures of her x out of her family pictures so she could keep the ones of her kids!

sjmcdowell said...

Oh Maggie,

I know in my heart that you did the right thing. I know sometimes we have to make difficult choices and in the end what seemed like the worst choice turns out to have been the best choice.
The pictures of your ex...well honey listen to your heart. I have kept a few but most have been thrown away. What lives on is our memories the good the bad and the ugly. We do the best we can with the Lord always holding our hand through every twist and turn of our life's journey.

Love and Blessings dear friend,


Olga said...

What a very sad story. You tried, but this friend was a user and needed more help than you could have provided under the circumstances.

♥ Sonny ♥ said...

alcohol has been the ruination of so many lives, friendships, families.

I learned at a young age , we can save folks from some things but never from Themselves.

Angela said...

Wow! That is some story! I will have to say I wouldn't worry about how you acted back then because I probably would had left her at the gas station! Sometimes the Lord puts people in our lives and then they go away. I had a best friend who truly disappointed me when we were teenagers. We went to the mall and she showed her mom a ring that she said she bought that she actually stole! Her dad was the pastor of our church! I couldn't believe she would do something like that. It was only a dollar and she had a dollar. After that we rarely seen each other. I did try to reconnect 3 years ago but she never responded.

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

Don't lose any sleep over it Maggie. Your responsibility was to your kids. (((hugs)))Pat

Arkansas Patti said...

It is so sad what alcohol does to a person. They become someone you don't even recognize.
I do hope for her sake she was able to get the help she needed, but she would have had to have wanted the help first. You couldn't have helped her at that time. She didn't want it.

GerryART said...

Ms Pearl came to your defense that day with her response to the question.
Your instinct to preserve your children and yourself came to the surface.
That was not a friendship, but rather someone doing her best to take advantage of your good heart.

I'm with you re: the photos - toss 'em out with the garbage.
The less we 'em the better life is.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

Gorges Smythe said...

Some people, you just can't help, Maggie. I've known a few, myself.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

What an ordeal, Maggie! My first impression: you did the right thing. So many substance abusers get rescued and rescued and it does them no good at all. It's a shame that Linda never seemed to get sober. What a waste of beauty and youth and human potential. But there really isn't anything you could have done beyond what you already had: you took her in and offered her a chance and she blew it. I had a friend like that once, too, and it was so sad. She was so bright, so witty and such a wonderful writer. But she was so self-destructive and nothing anyone who loved her did made any difference at all.

Anonymous said...

Oh Maggie, Your stories are so filled with emotion and heart!!! God bless you for sharing from both!

I have had a few friends that bring such confusion into my life as well. Maybe not the drinking, but other types of confusion. I pray for them now, and leave it at that. I can't get involved when they don't really want help. If someone was really asking for help, I'd be there, but not to try to convince them they need it when they are not seeing their own need.

Regarding your old pictures...I'd say that if you didn't have children with your ex...don't worry about keeping too many pictures. If you did, then keep the important ones for the children. Old pictures of even ex's is part of the life you lived, and they represent who you were THEN...but not now. Don't look back too often, but look forward in your hope of a better future! Ex's are that for a reason~ ♥♥♥to you!

yaya said...

I commented yesterday but now it's totally gone...weird..What a story. You did the right thing by letting her go to jail. Unfortunately it didn't seem to make a difference. I hope her life has turned around but if she hasn't called you again then I would guess it didn't. The pictures you threw out probably won't upset anyone. I would just keep the parts that had you or your kids in them. Have a good weekend Maggie!

Sybil said...

Maggie, I do think that I would have behaved exactly as you did, so no guilt trips looking back...
I am glad that you made a move with the photographs best place for most of them..
much love Sybil xxx

NitWit1 said...

At some point everyone has to stop enabling if there is ever hope of saving someone like that. I had a housekeeper I fired when I found out she borrowed money from me for a past due electric bill but it went for purchasing hydrocodone on the street.

As a retired pharmacist I cannot tolerate that. She was the best of several housekeepers.

busana muslim pesta said...

Thank you for taking the time to write on this topic.

Connie said...

Wow! That's quite the story! It's a good thing the police officer was understanding of your predicament.

Love the picture of you!