Gut Wrenching Sobs!

Look at this sweetheart in the picture. Back in the summer of 1965 I like to think he was my sweetheart but in the spring of 1968 he gave his life for our country.

This morning before starting my chores out here on the North Forty I checked my emails. I am always thrilled when I see one from my long time friend from my college days. Maxine and I have such a bond that we can go years without seeing each other and then when we do it is like we were back in college talking and laughing until our sides hurt.

In the subject line of her email it said I thought you might want this. Well I figured since I have been talking vegan diets she had sent me a recipe. I tell you I was not prepared for what I found. It was this picture of Ronnie.

Max  had read my Memorial Day post about Ronnie so she was curious and went on the internet and found this picture and a write up of how he was killed in Viet Nam war.

You know how sometimes your first reactions are so funny. I knew I was looking at a picture of Ronnie but I just could not imagine how that was possible since my friend Max never met him. I did not meet Max until college and I dated Ronnie the summer before my Senior year. There was no note just this picture.

The tears slowing found their way down my cheeks and then within minutes it was gut wrenching sobs. I got up to get away from the computer but then I just set back down and cried my heart out.

After a while the tears stopped and I realized I was crying for not only Ronnie but for all the men and women who like him have given their life for us. Young soldiers that are still giving their lives for us.

I was crying because like him they never had the chance to live. Sobbing because I was alive and he died so young. I even cried because maybe I did not live the life I was given the way Ronnie would of been proud of me.

Tears flowed and my heart ached because I thought of how sweet and kind he had been to me. How I told him my dreams and he shared his with me. I cried because I felt he would of made his dreams come true but I had let him down and myself because the only part of my dreams that I fulfilled were my three babies.

Of course thank God I did fulfill those dreams of having children. But the others never came through and I did not fight hard enough for them. I always thought of myself as strong but seeing Ronnie's picture made me look at my life so different. Like I have wasted most of it.

Ronnie and myself  talked of the nightmare going on in another world from us and young men dying everyday but we would not let ourselves think of him going over there. I had brothers too old enough to fight and I prayed for them not to go.

My prayers were answered for my brothers but Ronnie did go over there but only for three months. I went to the site where Max found this picture and again the tears flowed reading about the last battle of his life.

Thank you Max from the bottom of my heart for sending me this picture. I can't help but think this might be the last picture taken of Ronnie. Maybe I needed this for some kind of closure. But I doubt that will happen.

There are just some people that come into your lives and you know right away whether or not their in your heart forever. Ronnie is one of those in my heart forever.

Love to all
Maggie