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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Gut Wrenching Sobs!

Look at this sweetheart in the picture. Back in the summer of 1965 I like to think he was my sweetheart but in the spring of 1968 he gave his life for our country.

This morning before starting my chores out here on the North Forty I checked my emails. I am always thrilled when I see one from my long time friend from my college days. Maxine and I have such a bond that we can go years without seeing each other and then when we do it is like we were back in college talking and laughing until our sides hurt.

In the subject line of her email it said I thought you might want this. Well I figured since I have been talking vegan diets she had sent me a recipe. I tell you I was not prepared for what I found. It was this picture of Ronnie.

Max  had read my Memorial Day post about Ronnie so she was curious and went on the internet and found this picture and a write up of how he was killed in Viet Nam war.

You know how sometimes your first reactions are so funny. I knew I was looking at a picture of Ronnie but I just could not imagine how that was possible since my friend Max never met him. I did not meet Max until college and I dated Ronnie the summer before my Senior year. There was no note just this picture.

The tears slowing found their way down my cheeks and then within minutes it was gut wrenching sobs. I got up to get away from the computer but then I just set back down and cried my heart out.

After a while the tears stopped and I realized I was crying for not only Ronnie but for all the men and women who like him have given their life for us. Young soldiers that are still giving their lives for us.

I was crying because like him they never had the chance to live. Sobbing because I was alive and he died so young. I even cried because maybe I did not live the life I was given the way Ronnie would of been proud of me.

Tears flowed and my heart ached because I thought of how sweet and kind he had been to me. How I told him my dreams and he shared his with me. I cried because I felt he would of made his dreams come true but I had let him down and myself because the only part of my dreams that I fulfilled were my three babies.

Of course thank God I did fulfill those dreams of having children. But the others never came through and I did not fight hard enough for them. I always thought of myself as strong but seeing Ronnie's picture made me look at my life so different. Like I have wasted most of it.

Ronnie and myself  talked of the nightmare going on in another world from us and young men dying everyday but we would not let ourselves think of him going over there. I had brothers too old enough to fight and I prayed for them not to go.

My prayers were answered for my brothers but Ronnie did go over there but only for three months. I went to the site where Max found this picture and again the tears flowed reading about the last battle of his life.

Thank you Max from the bottom of my heart for sending me this picture. I can't help but think this might be the last picture taken of Ronnie. Maybe I needed this for some kind of closure. But I doubt that will happen.

There are just some people that come into your lives and you know right away whether or not their in your heart forever. Ronnie is one of those in my heart forever.

Love to all


Terra said...

I can see from his photo, and then from your words that Ronnie was a good man, and I can see why you sobbed and cried. It is heart breaking to think of a young life ended and some of your own dreams deferred.

Tam said...

Oh Maggie I am crying so hard right now I can't even leave the comment I want to leave you.
I will come back tomorrow.
Go to bed and rest
We all love you

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

From you Maggie((((hugs)))Pat

Gail said...

Oh, what a thoughtful wonderful gift. A gift forever.

Thank you, Ronnie for serving.

Gorges Smythe said...

I have no words of wisdom, just a "cyber hug."

Debby said...

So sorry my friend. That was a terrible time. Terrible war and no communication like now. I lost several friends. This is a love that you were meant to remember. I am sure he WAS proud of you.

joanne said...

sweet memories of young love and the innocence we all had back then. Now we have been forever changed, with thanks to all those wonderful young men and women. be well sweet Maggie.

Garden of Egan said...

Beautiful tribute.
I'm so sorry that you were hurting. It's amazing that after so many years there was so much about him.
Hugs to you.

Sweet Tea said...

Maggie, I look into the eyes of the photo of that young man and my heart breaks too. One of the young guys I had dated went to Nam and never came home. We had both moved on, as teens do, but his death and that of another young classmate both still cling to my memory. We.Will.Never.Forget.
Though it is painful to remember, we must keep on remembering - we owe them that. ((HUGS))

June said...

A huge hug for my Maggie tonight!!!!
I am so sorry for the loss of this young man and so many through the years....

Loui♥ said...

beautiful post!
I believe each of us has our very own "Ronnie"..I know I do..
warmest hugs.

Carolyn said...

Our precious memories help to fill empty sterile moments of life. May we always keep them close at hand. Just as sun and rain both are necessary to complement and nurture, thus are both laughter and tears necessary to complement and nurture the soul. I believe we each come into this world to teach others the important aspects of life. Your Ronnie has given us all a lesson to learn and grow, a gift of enlightenment. Thank you for sharing your heart and the memory of your young sweetheart with us, Maggie. We will never forget. I don't know how or why but his picture brought a truly huge "deja vu" moment for me along side the tears. May your heart remain open and ready for those 'yet to happen' blissful fleeting encounters.

♥ Sonny ♥ said...

I'm sure your Ronnie has watched you on this plane of life and he has "Smiled" and he Knows you've done well..

ahhh Miss Maggie Mae, think about that movie- " Its a Wonderful Life" .. You dont realize what you have meant to people and how you have helped them.. None of us seem to see that in our own lives. You are part of a grand equation and have done your part well..
love ya bunches and bunches

Dieneke said...

Thank you for sharing.
May God bless you and hold you.
Hug, Dieneke

Arkansas Patti said...

What a thoughtful gift to receive. We never forget those first loves and when they are stolen from us, their spot in our lives is secure but sadly the memories fades.
I lost a young man in a similar manner and would love to have received such a gift. Even if it brings pain, it is a healing pain.
So hard to lose those who never got to live. War stinks.

Tutti Chic said...

beautiful wonderful of you to remember such a wonderful young man who gave his life for our country. I have tears in my eyes...:) chris

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this. Sorry for your loss but having served this great country of ours I think your young friend is smiling down on you right now.
I know you bring me smiles everyday.
You see I am one of those guys who reads your blog but does not belong to the world of blogging.
Your blog is real so I read it.

PEA said...

Hello dear Maggie:-)

It's so good to be back to blogging and visiting, I've really missed all of you.

How very sad about Ronnie and it's no wonder you were so affected when you saw that picture of him. I'm sure we could fill up an ocean with all the tears we have shed for these brave men, past and present. So many young lives lost, not having had a chance to live out their dreams...very sad indeed. I have no doubt that Ronnie is proud of you, no matter that you didn't accomplish all of your dreams. You have been true to yourself and that's what counts!! xoxo

"Auntie" sezzzzzz... said...

Oh Dear One, what a bitter/sweet post.

Gentle hugs,

"To read a writer
is for me
not merely to get an idea of what he says,
but to go off with him
and travel in his company."

~~Andre Gide

"Auntie" sezzzzzz... said...

Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. Comments are wonderful. They let us find new friends in "Pretty Blog Land." :-)

Gentle hugs,

"To read a writer
is for me
not merely to get an idea of what he says,
but to go off with him
and travel in his company."

~~Andre Gide

Chatty Crone said...

So many young people gave their lives for us to be free and your right he really didn't get a chance to live.
I thank him for what he did for us. sandie

Olga said...

The photo is priceless. This was such a very touching post--and a good reminder of what Memorial Day is all about. Thank-you to all who have and all who will serve our country this way.

Whimsey Creations said...

Oh Maggie what a wonderful story and so appropriate for this week. But please don't think that you've wasted your life - just having and raising those kids was enough. You don't have to do "big" things to have lived well. Hugs!

acorn hollow said...

I am so sorry about your loss so long ago. No life is ever wasted no matter how it is lived and I would say you have lived well my friend.

Lisalulu said...

Fond memories, and nice to put a face with a name. I remember when you had told this story before. Thank you for your sharing of your life and thank you for all you caring and visits!!

Linda said...

What a beautiful post. We all lost so many during that awful war. I didn't lose any to death, but I lost a brother for years to the memories of that war. Our country was awful to our soldiers,but I was, and am, so proud of them. I'm glad you got the picture of Ronnie.

Sue said...

What a poignant memory, and what a thoughtful friend for sending you this treasure.


Julia said...

Hi Maggie, The good die young, is a phrase that I hear often and in this case it proves to be true.

I'm so sorry that your heart is braking right now as you relive the reality of this senseless loss of so many young lives and those who will never be the same because of war trauma of unspeakable cruelty of mad men.

This brings Memorial Day to a new degree of awareness for you.
Big hugs my friend. You are very loveable and I love you. JB

Words Of Deliciousness said...

Such a touching post. I am sure Ronnie would be proud of you!

Life 101 said...

Very touching post.
I was drafted in 1971, but fate was with me. I spent my tour on the beach in Panama.
I had friends who went and never returned.

sjmcdowell said...

Oh Maggie....I am crying for you and for Ronnie....Honey God knows why things happen the way they do and we will know why too someday. We all must go sometime and the Lord knows when we have finished our job here on Earth.
You must put this story in your book too.

Love and God Bless you,


Stephanie ~ Angelic Accents said...

Sweet sweet post, dear Maggie. Ronnie looks like a doll. I'm glad you were a part of his life and he was a part of yours. That will never change. Did you see my video I posted for Memorial Day? I think you'd love the song that accompanies it.

Big Hugs today and always,

Darlene said...

Ronnie does seem like a sweet young man. I know just how much it meant to you to have this picture. One of my boy friends was killed in World War 2, and it almost killed me. He was so talented, having the singing voice of an angel. Every time I think of him (fairly often still) I tear up. I hate it when so many of our young men have to die, not only for our country, but for other countries who don't even appreciate our involvement. I HATE HATE HATE war!!!

Pamela said...

Such a precious story. And what a sweet friend. Some people leave footsteps on our hearts, don't they? I'm praying the good memories will soothe your heart.

Grandma Bonnie said...

I am so thankful for those who gave their lives for us to be free. I can understand the pain your memories bring.

~Wyatt~Brittney~Brecken~Oliver~ said...

You are the SWEETEST ever! LOVE it!

P.S. this is Brittney from Dang Gina!

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

What a handsome young man he was. My father did two tours of Vietnam and was there even when I was born in 1966. Maxine truly is a wonderful friend to search and find his lovely photo for you. Sending big hugs your way, Tammy