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Monday, December 27, 2010

Butt Dial!

It is 4 AM and I am wide awake. Part of me could not sleep because I was selfish yesterday and was thinking of myself. If night time does not bring you sleep it certainly can open your eyes to what really matters.
Yesterday morning my cell phone woke me at 7:15 AM. I was sleeping in my grand daughter’s twin bed with her on the trundle bed attached to it and my grandson next to her on his sleeping bag. We had somehow managed to stop talking to each other and fall to sleep after a wonderful Christmas day.

I had no idea what time it was when the phone woke me but I could tell that it was still very early by the little light coming through the windows. Of course, with my brother going through Cancer treatments I immediately thought something had happened to him. Carefully slipping out of the room with my phone I had to see who was calling at that early hour. \

It was Gary’s number showing under missed calls so I hurried and returned his call. Much to my surprise and annoyance it went to voice mail. Doesn’t that just make you want to throw the darn phone when that happens to you! I mean they just called you and then not 5 minutes later you call them back and their phone is turned off. What’s with that especially when the call is at an early hour and you have reason to worry? So I dialed his fiancée number and same thing. By now all kinds of scenarios are racing through my brain.

My grandson woke up a short time later so we spent some alone time making each other laugh in between me trying to get hold of Gary. Finally his girlfriend Sherry answered and I asked what was wrong. She wanted to know what time I was coming back home that Gary wanted to see me. I gathered what information I could get out of her before she hung up because I thought it strange they would call me so early in the morning for that reason. All I knew at that time was for some reason or another Gary wanted me there with him.

All I could think of was myself and how I had just got there at noon the day before to see my family and now I was needed at my brothers but with no real reason as to why. You know how we get when we are being pulled in two different directions and we want the one that is fun. I finally realized if I stayed there with my grandbabies I would not enjoy it fully for thinking of Gary and so I tearfully left for home.

It turns out Gary was having anxiety attaches because his tongue was swelling up and he was afraid of not being able to breath. He was scared which I of course now I can see clearly why.

What this long story is leading to is after I left Gary’s and came home exhausted I went to sleep for a few hours. Of course something woke me up and I laid in bed for hours thinking of how selfish I was for not wanting to leave my kids and come back to the problems of home.

Then I thought of the things that had made me feel better while driving back home. I thought of the sweet comments, cards, emails, phone calls and surprises you guys have left for me over the last weeks and months. There is no way I can explain to you without writing another three pages of how these things have lifted me this year.

So when I woke this morning and could not go back to sleep I started thinking and laughing about the words you leave for me and what just a few words means to someone. I thought of how selfish I was for not wanting to leave when now I realize Gary just needed a hug and some words from his only sister. I kept thinking what can I do for him why am I going home but it was simple just words of kindness was what he needed.

I realized this morning words can change everything for someone. If you think it’s no big deal about leaving someone a comment think again. It could be just what that person needed that day even if you think they have it made in life. You never know what one word from you will do for them. Like me they may think of it one day when their down and out and then smile because of you and your words.

Even if it is just a butt dial it could still bring a smile to someone’s face. In case you are like this ole grandma and wondering what a butt dial is well don’t feel bad I had no clue what my grandson was talking about when he used those words. Turns out that can happen when you carry your phone in your tight fitting jeans and your butt dials someone’s number with out you knowing it. Lol

Thanks for being you and being there for me! I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and I am looking forward to catching up with you!

This week when I take Gary for treatments I will try to say the right words and be a little less selfish.
Love to all



sissie said...

Good Morning sweet Maggie!
I can tell you right now that you were not being selfish. You were being torn between the people who love you and that you love.
I can't tell you how many times I felt the same way when my son was sick with cancer and then crohns disease. At times I just wanted to sit and cry.
But, then I would stop and realize that I had the most precious gift of all....and that was to be needed.

God Bless You Sweet friend and I pray for Gary's recovery. You are a wonderful person and I have really enjoyed your kindness and your humor. I always leave here inspired.

hugs and much love.


Arkansas Patti said...

No butt dial here, this is intentional. Don't beat your self up, you are not a selfish person. Trust me, I know.
It was not selfish "wanting" to be in the warm happy place with your kids and grands, it would have been selfish to have NOT gone to your brother. Desires mean nothing, actions are what counts.
Gary and you are still in my prayers.

Debby said...

So sorry that you even question how you feel. You love your grandkids and don't get to see them that much. So don't even think that way.
So sorry about Gary. I am sure he has been through so much and needs lots of TLC. I hope that you can help him through this.

Anyway that you can visit those babies again before they head back to school.
I hope your Christmas was fun.

A young girl I work with calls those calls "pocket calls" I think the butt calls is even funnier.
Prayers for you and Gary. (((((HUGS)))

Kim said...

You were not being selfish at all. It is so difficult to be pulled in different directions and having so many worries. I'm glad you got to spend some time with your grandkids and Gary. He must be feeling so much insecurity right now and it must have meant the world to him for you to visit.
My grandmother always used to say that you can't expect people to be there for you when you need them, if you are not there for them! You will have lots of people when you need them.
Hugs, Kim

acorn hollow said...

It is so hard to be pulled in diffrent directions. But I think you did the right thing. I hope that you got some enjoyment out of the holiday. sounds like you had a good time with your sleep over.

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

You are such a good sister and a good person, Maggie! I know exactly the feelings you are talking about when you have to choose, but you did the right thing. Especially not knowing what was going on. I'm sure Gary takes real comfort in knowing you are there. I'm glad you got to spend some time with your family and the grandkids.

Julia said...

Maggie, I agree that you are definitely not a selfish person for wanting to stay with your grandkids. They are our special gifts and it is so special to spend some time with them. I don't even know how far you have to drive to get home to Gary but having a call so early in the morning when someone is sick is enough to get a person rattled up. It's also hard to make a decision when one is just waking up. I hope that you know how much you mean to all of us, it no wonder that your brother want you too... On the other hand, a bit of self examination is a good thing and confession is good makes you feel better. Have a great week and never change. ( I mean, stay the same) lol. JB

Marydon said...

G'morn sweet Maggie ... SELFISH?! Not in your life were you selfish, it doesn't fit into your makeup for #1. Of course you wanted to stay with the wee ones & enjoy every moment you can. Your precious love & caring heart for all directed you to make the right decision, sweetie ... Gary needed you, that is where you needed to be. Sometimes those hugs & touches are more healing than all else in the world.

Gary is so blessed to have you there for him. I so hope that his 'road to recovery' will be less complicated for him ... & Sherry.

Was so wonderful & filled my day when we chatted on Christmas Eve. You are such a joy & delightful friend, Maggie ... I cherish you.

BIG HUGS for Gary ... love to you both ...
May the New Year bring more joys & love than you will all know what to do with ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR, sweetie ~
Hugs of love forever, Marydon

Marla @ Always Nesting said...

Here I sit in the early morning hours at my daughter's home in California taking a sneak to my blogging. I'm so glad I peeked because your lesson is perfect, your words, perfect and your gift of caring, perfect. We never know how and when our kind words will make the difference for someone in our lives. Maggie, you are the best!

Tammy said...

Dearest Maggie, we all question ourselves at times. We all grumble when things pop up that don't fit into our plans. But that is normal. Writing it down, getting it out there, certainly helps you to sort through the emotions of it. You are a dear heart to be there when you are needed. Your brother is certainly going through a very hard time and it can be frightening when the unknown is always hanging overhead. Love and support is most necessary at this time. I hope you are able to get some sleep tonite.

As for the butt dial! That's a hoot! Haven't heard that one before. I've done the purse dial many times though. :) Wishing you all the best. Take care! Tammy

Tracy said...

You and selfish do NOT even fit into the same category unless you put the prefix 'un' in front of it...seriously~
I'm glad all worked out well in the end; and I love the term 'butt-dial' won't ever think of that happening again without thinking of you!
Which brings me to your final thoughts...YES, a small act of kindness and words can truly make someone's day and who are we to know when that happens. So pass them out along the way and know someone is always in need whether you are award of it or not!
Thank you for being you and for touching my life! I look forward to walking side by side in 2011 :)

Sharon said...

Sweet Maggie I agree that the word selfish does not fit you.
I know it is hard to what to be with grands, and the plan gets changed.
Your hugs and words to Gary are also important.
Hugs and Prayers to you and your family.

Whimsey Creations said...

Maggie dear, there is no way you are selfish! Torn between two choices maybe but not selfish because you did the right thing. Big hugs to you!

Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

glad you were there to comfort your brother..and lately my girlfriend has been butt dialing me..have a wonderful week with your brother and tell him I said hello..;)

NitWit1 said...

I agree with AR Patti, you had choices; was immediately there, the other required some effort. But you realized the need of Gary, probably was a higher priority at the time.

The good thing is you were able to handle both, so sleep tight to night. When I can't sleep these night recently I am fearful of the future. I have a book I read and re-read on my Kindle that is comforting. I select it and soon fall asleep again.

ria said...


Tam said...

Maggie I think I come by here to learn new words. hahahahaha Glad your grandkids keep up with what is going on so they can keep us up.
Butt dial is totally one I will not forget.
Like all your friends on here I agree selfish does not apply to you Maggie!
Crazy seriously I would of been the same way. You have been needing this time with your kids and grand children so who would not be disappointed. Plus I know how hard it is to be around someone with cancer and watch them suffer while being treated. You need a break and if I lived closer I would make sure you got one.
Maybe you can google a support group for people that are going through this same type of cancer and get ideas on how you might help with his not being able to eat.
Looking forward to being your friend in 2011 and because of you I am going to have a blog in the new year.
Happy New Year

Sue said...

Maggie, you're about as unselfish a person as you could be! Nobody would want to leave their grandkids earlier than planned...Those are just natural feelings.

The proof is in the pudding. You did go. That's what matters!


yaya said...

Maggie,I'm glad you had some time with your Grandkiddos, even tho it was shorter than hoped, and I'm also glad you heeded a call from your brother who really needed you at that time. After losing my Sister-in-law to cancer this past fall, I wish I could have done more for her. I find I never usually regret things I do, it's the things I put off, make excuses for, or ignore that I regret later. You are not selfish, you're human and loving and sometimes that "call" may be from God directing you to a place you need to be. And you answered and did not send it to voice mail! I'll keep Gary in my prayers, I promise!

Sharon said...

Wonderful post. I appreciate your taking the time to write it to me/us. It hit home.

Karen Whittal said...

After what you have been through this year, I think you are allowed to be a little selfish, because you were there through it all for all of us, and your family, and at the end of the day your brother didn't know you were feeling selfish, it is just human nature to want to be all things to all people, thing is we can't so we have to be true to God and ourselves............

Libbie said...

& when you are in the waiting about a little game of butt dial...just for fun :)

I loved reading about you cuddled up in the same room with the kids! I can imagine what a fun day you guys had! & you are so sweet to rush home for Gary...he loves you for it too ya know :) Hope you get some more time with the kids soon!!!

i loved getting your card too Maggie! It made my day!LOVE!!!!

Shirley said...

Hi Maggie, Your post really hit home today. I know being a primary caregiver and working, you sometimes feel like you just want to do things for you instead of taking care of othere. God gives us strength to see us through whatever the case may be. I know it is so hard for you wanting to be with your grandbabies and your brother. You are not selfish, but far from it. I bet you would help me if I lived closer to you and needed it. That is the kind of a person that I see you as which is far from selfish. I must get to bed as we go tomorrow so that my hubby can get an iron infusion. Thanks for teaching me a new definition, butt dial. Take care my friend. Your Missouri Friend.

From Beyond My Kitchen Window said...

Maggie, you are not selfish at all. The selfish thing to do would be not to have gone at all. You are human and that is a wonderful thing.

Orange Sink said...

Ditto what everyone said and I love what you said about the comments we leave for each other. The kind words of encouragement are so desperately needed in this world full of tragedy and uncertain times. The time it takes to leave an encouraging word could mean all the difference in someone's life. Thanks for writing your heart out!
BTW I got a butt call recently from a friend and you can hear them talking when they don't know it..........HMMMM interesting :-)
Continued prayers for Gary and your family.
Cathy G

Donna said...

You are so right...words mean EVERYthing!! They can make or break a day! They can sting for a lonnggg time! I heard once that for every BAD thing you say, it takes 10 good ones to undo the feeling of the bad one.
Of course it's natural to feel pulled by those that need you and those that you want to be with and make you feel good! It sounds like Gary was allergic to something...medication? He's having a tough time and that gets wearisome for those around. Hang in there...let your friends support you and get you through....and enjoy the good stuff whenever you can!!!

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh dear Maggie....hopefully things have calmed down a little for you....seems as though you are pulled in a few too many directions at times....but I guess sometimes that is just LIFE. the way....I don't know what a but dial is but I do know what a BUTT RING is....that is when your phone is ringing in your pants pocket and for the life of you can't figure where that is coming from. (O:(O:(O:

Had that happen a few times with sweet hubby!!



Mumsy said...

Oh, sweet Maggie you have for sure used the wrong word to describe how you were...there is not a smidgen of selfishness in your whole beautiful self.

I could turn your words right around and say they are from me to you when it comes to words and comments helping people. You my dear lady have helped me more times than you know.

Huge hugs to you my sweet friend!!

Happy To Be/ Gl♥ria said...

May your New Year be filled with many Blessings and abundances of Joy for 2011. From my mountain to yours, Until next year
Hugs and Smiles Gl♥ria

Kate said...

Hi Maggie,
I feel for ya! Things just never seem to calm down, do they? I hope you can get some precious time in with your kiddos soon, and hope that Gary is in good hands. I can't imagine how anxious things must be around there for you!

I am still racing around here. I didn't even get cards out this year as I couldn't get all my kids in one spot for a pic at the same time. I need Photoshop, so I can just crop them in for next year. I didn't mind it, until I got your sweet card in the mail. Then I desperately wanted to send cards out. At that point, we were once again in the midst of a snowstorm...(you should come up, you would have a ball snowmobiling...I promise, I'll let you drive so you don't fall off the back... And maybe you had better skip being pulled on the sled behind the snowmobile too..) We have about three and a half feet of snow this year, it makes feeding my chickens a bit more difficult, but it is a beautiful winter! But back to what I was trying to say, thanks for the card, it really touched my heart. So sweet of you. You have no idea how much I think of you, blogging is just very difficult at the moment, I never seem to get a chance to sit down!

Nezzy said...

Oh baby, I'm so sorry ya even had to make a decision here. We all know how hard it must of been to pull yourself away from you grand-babies, as selfish person just would of not done that. We all know how precious they are. I glad for the time you did get to spend with 'em.

Know I pray for you and Gary every day expecting a miracle for him.

You'll never know how much I appreciate you and how you have touched my heart sweetie.

God bless ya and have an incredible week!!!

Garden of Egan said...

But so much is said with a butt-dial. Really.

I hope that you are doing OK.
Hugs and prayers for you and Gary.

Barb said...

Hi Maggie, I'm visiting you from somewhere else - I'm not even sure where I started when I landed here. Now, I'll never forget "butt dial!" Your heart seems as big as all get-out, and I like your sense of humor. I hope you have a good New Year and plenty of time to share it with your Family.

Sybil said...

Hi Gransmayellowhair...slefish you...are you mad LOL I only wish I was as unselfish as you...
It was great though that you had at least a wee while with the bairns..
Praying the Garry will have news to make him feel a bit more possitive soon..
2011 will be with us here in less that 4 hours how the year has past. I won't be sad to open the door at midnight and let it out and welcome in the new year...
Love to you and Gary and all those you love May you have health and happiness and peace throughout 2011
Love Sybil xx

Karen said...

Hey, there! Just stopping in to wish you a very happy 2011!

Tracy Suzanne said...

Oh' Maggie, you selfish? Not in a million years! I wanted to make sure to say Happy New Year to you before heading off to bed. (No telling when I might see the light of day) and getting on the computer might pose a problem too. So I'll take my chances when I get them.

Thank you darling for being a true, loving friend. I'm wishing you all the best for 2011. I am full of hope for a wonderful year. I'll be praying for Gary.

Love and hugs...Tracy :)

ria said...

Σου στέλνω πολλές ευχές για ..υγεία ...χαρά ..και ευτυχία!!!!

Pamela said...

Sounds like you had a wonderful visit Maggie with your grandbabies! I completely understand you thoughts though. I am just the opposite and fell guilty for not wanting to go "home" to see our families because there is always so much drama to tend to. I always get major anxiety over it all but thankfully this past visit I was promised no drama and it held true. I pray for your continued strength in dealing with your brother and I pray for is situation as well! Cancer is mean and ugly and strikes so many people these days. My Aunt passed away this past Oct from pancreatic cancer. My mother and step father both had cancer but have had a clean bill of health for 5 + years now. Many hugs to you!