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Friday, July 16, 2010

Warning Cheating Penguin on Facebook!

Yesterday I opened up my emails and there in the inbox was a message from someone sending me a message on facebook. Did not recognize the name but opened it anyway to see what it was about.

Turns out it was a very strange email from a woman I have never heard of and still have not a clue who could she be. She wrote, “Please Do Not take my Cheaten Penguin Bas****  boyfriend away from me!” Of course my first reaction was “Whoa what is this idiot talking about and what is a Cheaten Penguin?”

Sadly it was the most pitiful email for a woman to write another woman. I felt bad for her that she felt like she had to beg another woman to leave her man alone. She goes on about how he finds women all the time on facebook then becomes friends with them and drops her for a while and uses the other woman and then comes back to her. According to her they have been together over 15 years and he has done this many times and she felt that I should be warned about him. Then after her begging the woman shifts gears and starts saying how she was the one that was in his arms now and for me to back off. She also mentions that they do plan on getting married.

She explains to me that she has found where he has been writing me emails and trying to get to know me. Funny that I don't have any emails on my facebook from some Penguin.
So here I have an email from a total stranger one minute begging me to leave her Cheaten Penguin Bas **** boyfriend alone and the next warning me to back off. First of all I have been lying flat on my back in bed for two months alone except for Tinkerbell and have not had the time nor the desire to chase a man much less one that looks like a Penguin.

Well you guessed it Ms. Pearl comes out and starts typing a reply to this woman. If you are a follower you know Ms. Pearl can and does get somewhat carried away when she thinks someone is stepping on her toes.
Ms Pearls reply was

Who in the heck are you? What makes you think that I would want to date a Penguin? First of all I never have dated a Penguin and why at my age would I start now. Next lady I certainly would not want a piece of crap like you are trying to hang on to and why PLEASE tell me do you want him? No one on this earth is worth having if you have to beg other women not to steal him away from you. Come on! To think you would even consider marrying a man like this is crazier than anything I have ever done and believe I HAVE done some crazy things.
Please send me $50.00 for my advice and if you need more advice the price will go up!

Well I did not hit the send button because I have not replied to this email yet. I did forward her email to my friend Alan and this is what he sent me back today to send to her!

Dear So and So,

I wanted to thank-you for your very informative email. I just wish I would've received this before I let him spend the nite. But too late for that. Anyway I am really confused as to why you are trying so hard to keep him cause he sure isn't very good in bed. But then I guess you may be really easy to satisfy. That brings me to the main reason I wanted to reply to your email and that is I was wanting to make sure that you knew I told him in advance about the herpes warts but he didn't seem to care. He was in a hurry but I am sure you are familiar with that. So don't call me when you break out with that disgusting medical problem. One last thing…do you really think if you marry that cheating penguin bast…. he will stop his errant ways? Think about it . You can sprinkle sugar on a turd but it still smells like sh**…

OF Course I did not send that one either!

I am ashamed to admit that last night Alan and I laughed our fool heads off for quite a while about this email from this stranger. We were laughing so hard because she kept calling him a Cheaten Penguin. Is that even a word Cheaten? Also Alan and I could not figure out was she trying to say her boyfriend looks like a Penguin or is there such a thing going around now called a Cheaten Penguin Bas.......Let's face it I am behind on things after being confined to my room for two months.

The email in itself was nothing to laugh at because obviously the woman not only has wrote the wrong girlfriend but it is terribly sad that any one would stay in a relationship such as the one she is obviously involved in with this guy.

Alan will now for the next week or so be sending me every joke in the world about Penguin's and of course drilling me about my activities on facebook. Like I have explained to him over and over I only got on there to play their game Farmville with my granddaughter and that never happened and I rarely sign in to it because it is really not my thing. Obviously it is for some people though. hahaha

Now my question for you my friends is what reply should I send to this woman or should I even reply. I know all of you can beat Ms. Pearls reply and possibly Alan's. So give it a try.

After reading Kim's last comment to me on the post before this I am not sure she will believe that I am innocent of all charges.

Another question I know we all get pretty crazy on here sometimes and do you possibly think someone that reads my blog and knows I am on facebook wrote me this as a joke. Bunny honey are you playing a joke on me or JoJo or Shell come on someone confess.

This afternoon I called the Doctors office for the third time about my C scan and of course they gave me the same ole run around that when the doctor knows anything he will call me. Well I almost cried to hear this knowing that I had already waited a week and now a long weekend ahead with no news.

Oh well as the saying goes No News Is Good News. Things could be worse I could have a Cheaten Penguin Boyfriend!

Sweet Dreams

Sissie's Shabby Cottage is having a giveaway for $60.00 gift certificate from CSN be sure and click here to win!


Doni said...

Haaahaaahahahahahah, and etc......
I just can't keep the smile off my face for picturing you laying there, typing out a reply to some silly woman about a Cheaten Penguin!! Oh my...that was hysterical! Keep up the fun, it sure beats the heat!!
Hope you're feeling all better soon, Blessings, Doni

Marydon said...

We are BOTH ROFLOL, you are hysterical, sweetie. I do think I would have hit SEND on both replies, Maggie ... they are awesome. I love Miss Pearl ... Well, this should keep you hoot'n all weekend.

I can't for the life of me imagine someone being dumb enough to live like this, but then I am sure there are those that do. Oy!

Sorry about the Drs. office ... they can be pretty uncaring at times. Prayers are lifting for you still, sweet friend.

Would you please send me your address ~
Thank you.

Have a wonderful weekend, Maggie ... I'll be laughing all weekend every time I think of you.
TTFN ~ Marydon

joanne said...

Oh my, I've got tears rolling down my is so sad and so incredibly funny at the same time. For once I really don't know what to say...I need to get on FB obviously I'm missing some good penguin over there! Take care sweetpea.

bunny said...

LMAO...nope Maggie, it wasn't me, but thanks for giving me the idea and a good laugh. Be careful about responding to it...there are a few viruses on FB sent from people trying to be friend's with you. I know waiting for the Dr. is unnerving but hang in got us to get you through...OH Yeah! and a


LuLu Kellogg said...

That is funny but the funniest thing to me was what your friend Alan wrote about putting sugar on a you-know-what! LOL, after I read this I snorted....yup, when I laugh too hard I snort! hehehe

I am going to start having to put on a depends before I come to your Blog anymore because I almost always just about wet my brits everytime I read something on here!

I wouldn't even answer her. Sounds like one of those emails that might send you a virus or a phishing thinggie. We don't need your puter getting a nasty bug....then we can't keep up with you!

Although...I think I would have to tell her that the Penquin took a dirt nap in 1992 during Tim Burton's "Batman Returns". Obviously she missed the movie. *shrug*



Sue said...

What a crazy, crazy story! Can't believe the weirdos out there. I think it might be dangerous to answer...She might put a hex on you or something...

Sorry you have to wait out the weekend for the results of your scan, but I sorta do think that no news is good news when it comes to that type of test.

Alan, by the way, sounds like a funny guy!


Shirley said...

Hi Maggie, I thought I would be reading about your test, but this is so funny. I laughed which I very much needed after the day I had. I really don't know which e-mail I would send. I really don't think I would give her the satisfaction of getting an anwser. I would just laugh about it. There is virsus out there so be careful. Your granddaughter and my youngest both like playing farmville. Have a great weekend. Ours will be hot, just hope no more storms. Your Missouri Friend.

Kim said...

Bahahahahaha, I snorted out loud -----TWICE! Of course as I was reading I automatically assumed that Cheaten Pengiun is actually "the old guy from the pool". Penguins like water, don't they???
And Alan's response is priceless!!
Luv ya Maggie

Shelly said...

I SWEAR on a Stack of Depends that I did NOT send you the Cheatin' Penguin message! I'd do anything, as you know, to make you laugh, but Mags, I've got more class than that!

I did date a Polar Bear one time though, and he was kind of cute and snuggly, but he always smelled like fish! Not to mention he snored like a Rhino and always wanted to sleep with the window wide open! And those Toenails? The good news is, he didn't seem to mind whether or not I shaved my legs!

I'd let it go and not reply,,although it IS fun thinking of what you would/could say! Alan is hysterical!

You are SO on my mind, my dear! Keep the laughter going at ALL costs, it WILL heal what ails you! That and prayers and well wishes from good friends! You are blessed to have many!

Love you to pieces!

Sea Witch said...

OMG, miss yellow hair maggie,this is the funniest damn post I have read in a long time. You and Alan (my honey's name is Alan as well) well, we were rolling and laughing as hard as the two of you. Personally, I think you should send the first email you constructed. This woman needs to hear what you had to say. So sorry to hear that you are dealing with a medical issue. Will keep you in my thoughts and sending strength and joy to you. Now if you really are looking to get into this field, do it. I adore it, it is fun and full of joy and you meet the coolest folks...many are so off the wall, but I am always attracted tot hose types anyway. Take care lady and heal fast. Sea Witch

yaya said...

Hilarious!!! You could send her your reply and then send the one from Alan saying this person wanted to add her 2Cts.! I thought the same as the other poster: It must be the dude from the pool, maybe you upset some old lady there. You and that bathing suit were too much to resist!

The French Bear said...

Wait a minute, my ex used to call himself peng.... no wait that was the cheating bas... Ha ha ha.....was this lady named Mo..... never mind I am laughing so hard, I am positive this came from my ex's girlfriend!!! Sounds just like her, oh dear you have made me laugh so hard I am crying!!!! Honestly Maggie, the trouble you get into hanging around your bed all day!!!! Thanks for the laugh, wasn't I supposed to come and cheer you up?
Mags (TOM)

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Dear Maggie:
Sorry you and Miss Pearl are under the weather...otherwise I know you'd be inviting her to tea just to show her your 55 gallon drum of Ass Whoop! What a loser she is.

I know it's tempting to want to reply, but you might end up with spam, ranging from fake requests for donations to boner pills and you sure don't need that (at least until your back is fully healed!)!

Well...I thoroughly enjoyed yours and Alan's replies. Guess I'd better close. I've got to change the ol' Poise pad now!

TTYS, Sweet friend.

Julie Harward said...

That is so crazy! You know, sometimes you can open something like that up and it's a hacker and they get into all your stuff! Hope you are ok :D

Tina Eudora said...

Oh Maggie my mind has been running rampant with ideas including a response from Sister Mary Margaret of Holy Coital Convent, (will I go to purgatory for that one?) but I have to agree with some of the other comments you have gotten that Facebook is a mess and I would be careful sending this person anything that might lead them to any of your info. Still it is tempting!
Tina xo

Garden of Egan said...

You Cheaten Penquin Harlot you!!!!!

Oh, my heck! You have had the best time being on bed rest. And I'm not even gonna go down that path any further!

I love Ms. Pearl.
I say send it.
No don't.
Oh, don't listen to me.

All I know is that this post is the best thing I've read all dang day!

Brushed By An Angel said...

I couldn't help but laugh as I was reading your reply but the part about "sugar on a turd" was about the funniest thing I have heard in a long time!! I think I would be tempted to send the letter Alan wrote - but I would have been a little more explicit about his "short comings". Still laughing!!

Susan said...

She doesn't sound as if she has all her enchiladas on her combination plate.
Just tell her you have no idea who she is or what she is talking about, and that you will report her to FB if you hear from her again.
Then, hope that you don't.

Rabbit Hollow Prims said...

I would send Alan...She definitely has issues but was fun to read LOL

HOOTIN' ANNI said...

First of all, I wouldn't have even opened the email from an unknown. That is how hackers get your ISP number and then...when it all comes down to it, if it was opened there is a good chance of putting a virus or spyware on your own computer. For what I would say in my reply would be NOTHING...nada, zilch. Delete the email, don't open anything in your inbox when you don't know who it's spam, viruses, hackers...even ones who would go as far as identity theft.

Hope you hear from the Drs. office soon.

Arkansas Patti said...

This is one of the funniest posts I have read in ages. I adore Ms Pearl. You and Alan are a wonderful delight. Does Alan blog? He should.
I am sending it to my sister who is trying to get me to join Facebook and wonders why I hesitate.
That sadly pathetic woman deserves both of the replys though I doubt she would get the humor.

dulcy said...

Hi Maggie! First of all, I'm sorry that you haven't got the results on your tests back yet. I know that it's a terrible drag to have to wait on these kinds of things. As for the crazy lady, I think I would pack all the replies (including yours and Alan's) and put them in an email back to her. Let her know that she needs to be careful about what she throws out into internet space because it can come back to haunt her forever! Or... you might send her a sympathy electronic ecard. Sign it "Ms. Pearl and My 384 Plus Blog Readers!"

Debby said...

Wow, you are too funny. The email sounds a bit strange, just ignore it and laugh about it. So funny how you can take such a pathetic email and make it hilarious.
Those darn doctors. They should know about those test results. You call them on Monday and let Ms. Pearl out. Grrrr.....that makes me angry.
Praying for good news for sure.

Libbie said...

Maggie I can't believe what strange things happen to you! I am just glad you share them with all of us! I guess it is as good of any way to pass the time while stuck in bed! :) Just let us know what you do write if you ever hit send :)

Taos Sunflower said...

You're cracking me up again! I love both letters but would not dignify hers with an answer...I'd just wait and see if she persists. Sounds like it's either a hoax or she's a whack job, for sure, so in either case, I'd stay clear. Just sayin'. Of course, I'll love hearing more if you DO answer her...XXX

Cherrie said...

My son's girlfriend got a crazy email like this. It turned out to be a "friend" (some friend) that was trying to make her breakup with my son. Some people have crazy ideals about it being fun to cause problem. If I received it I would just ignore it!
But the funny part of your email is "Cheaten Penguin Bas.... Boyfriend" where did she come up with that???
I am on FB (to play the games) and thank God I have never received any crazy emails like that!
Have a great weekend and try not to worry!

Sybil said...

If this is the result of FB I sure am missing somthin....Your reply and Alans has me in absolute fits of laughter....dashing along to the loo I nearly fell over the 'puter cable my leg near fell off then I fell against the dog...OMG when will you stop making me do these things !!!! I woudl send both replies...would frighten her to death !!
LOve Sybil xx Praying for a good weekend for you and a good reply from Dr on Monday. xx

Diane at Crafty Passions said...

That was so funny!!!
Imagine doing that .... well it takes all kinds in the world!
Have a great weekend

My Grama's Soul said...

Hi dear Maggie.....Sweet Hubby and I are taking a little trip around this great country of ours....but just wanted to check in and see how you were doin'. Sounds like Ms. Pearl and you are in rare form.....boy THOSE DRUGS MUST BE SOMETHIN" (O:(O:(O:

I know you test results are going to be fine. I news==good news.

Take Care


Mumsy said...

Sweet Maggie, I am so sorry they still have you waiting for the results of the C scan. Hopefully they will let you know by tomorrow.

Now for my take on the email...if it were me I would ignore it. I do not trust Facebook and some of what goes on there.

You are so gifted with words. No matter what you write about you can bring to me anything from a smile to a roll in the floor, laugh so hard you cry and all in between. I love your posts. There is nothing like laughter to make one feel better and sweet lady you can certainly bring laughter. What a blessing you are. Hugs

Mona Kay at Home said...

Laughter comes from some of the weirdest places on earth!!! What a random bit of entertainment! I'm now following your gorgeous blog...thanks for stopping by mine and for posting so that I could find you. Glad I did!!


Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

Hello Maggie!

I have missed you while I have been vacationing in my very dark place, I'm afraid I've let you down and haven't been the friend to you that you have been to me. I'm so sorry to hear that you have hurt your back and are confined to bed. Beleive me...I know all to well the pain you are going through. I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after finally getting treatment for my injury as well as several amazing Ah-Ha moments.

I hope you are on the mend...please forgive me for being such a schmuck and for not being there for you...I adore you and your amazing spirit! Much love and healing hugs to you sweet friend. L-O-V-E you!!!!

Meghan said...

Girl, I love your response! It's hilarious! I am not sure if this whole thing is true or someone is yanking your chain, but I would just let it go. Because you have more important things to worry about in your life like feeling better and talking to all of us who know you and love you!

You are a doll, Maggie! Keep smiling!