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Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Man That Works On Both Ends!

Doctors Pictures, Images and Photos
Hi there just wanted to check in with all of you today and see how you are doing! The last time we talked I was moaning and groaning about having a colonoscopy and you once again pulled me together by leaving me such hilarious and some helpful comments.

Today I wanted to update you on the latest happenings in this never ending cycle of the crazy life of Maggie. When the nurse called and scheduled the colonoscopy they made it for 8:45 Friday morning in College Station. So I agreed and then she calls me back about thirty minutes and later and told me that the doctor had looked at my file and saw that I need my throat surgery done too. Well much to my surprise she said that he was scheduling me for both at the same time. Whoa I thought I misunderstood the woman.

I did not mean to scream into the phone but pretty sure it came out that way I said, “You mean this doctor does both ends!” She sort of laughed and said “Well I guess you could put it that way!”

I am sorry but I guess this ole grandma has lived such a sheltered life because not in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be going to get a colonoscopy and at the same time have my throat stretched. Did this man not make enough money doing doopers as my grandchildren call them( they won’t let me use word butt) so he starts doing throat stretches too.
So I told his nurse which I am sure she has heard it a hundred times before, “Well I guess that’s ok but only if he does my throat first!” I would hate to think of him getting confused and using the wrong instruments for the same surgery.

I know gross right but you know when someone tells me something that does not quite seem right to me my mind goes ninety to nothing thinking of all the possibilities. It has been two days since my talk with her but I still can not imagine a man that is smart enough to do both ends.

They sent me to the pharmacy for my prep kit and boy am I excited about doing that today. Nothing to eat today for this ole gal but liquids. Thank goodness I can have my Diet Dr. Pepper. Honestly if they had taken that away from me they would have had to comatose me for the whole day. So at noon I take two pills and then around four the drink from hell is to be taken every 10 minutes until it is all gone. Who are they kidding it will take me an hour to drink one glass full. Then the fun should begin. I will live in my bathroom for the next few hours. Ok you get the picture no use going any further.

I still though can not believe that in the morning I am having both ends done. Do you remember the post I did about I had rather have hemorrhoids coming out of both ends than to be in my pain? Well I remember at the end of the post I said Oh God why did I say that because with my luck this could happen. Seems like to me whatever you put out there in the universe it comes back to you one way or the other.

Anyway I just pray that this doctor looks like a penguin so it won’t matter that he is looking at not the best part of me to look at. Of course now at my age what is the best part to look at. Another time and post I guess we can discuss that issue.

So while you are eating all your yummy food today just remember there is an ole lady in Texas wishing she were with you having whatever it is your having.

It will be a long day not having a cookie or a meal but it could be worse. I could get a doctor tomorrow who doesn’t know one end from the other.

Hope all of you enjoyed Dulcy’s great story she wrote for us. Who is next? Remember we all have a story to tell!

Love to all


I hopefully will be back on here late Friday night or Sat morning with the results. I have been told they will know right away so lets hope this is the end of doctors for me for a long while. Go back to the Neurosurgeon on August 6th and he might just release me to go back to work.


Tina Eudora said...

Maggie,Maggie,Maggie, you absolutely crack me up lady! I have to say it and God forgive me but when you made the remark about a doctor doing both ends I had a sudden picture flash in my mind of one of those rotisserie chickens on a spit at the super market..SORRY..:)
Lord bless you gal, you have the heart of a lion.
Hey maybe you should get a magic marker and write top and bottom on yourself to avoid any errors!!!
Sorry again..:(
I love you a bunch and I know you will make it through fine and the news will be great, you wouldn't have it any other way sugar. My prayers will be with you all day and I will be waiting to hear the news.
I will work on my story for you tonight, don't give up on me!
Tina xo

Kim said...

Again with the Penguins Maggie? Wow that old guy made a lasting impression on you! HAHAHA Good luck and remember - stay close to the bathroom! Maybe you should take a marker and write on your neck "Start Here".
You are such a sweetie! Hugs, Kim

Always Nesting said...

Maggie, if you can get a 2 for 1 deal, then go for the great bargain. I think it's awesome that Doctor Multitask is so talented that he has one stop shopping. Just make sure to wear red lipstick so that Doctor Multitask remembers which end is which :)

Enough joking around. Girl, I've got your back and I'm covering you with prayer.

Big, big hugs, Marla

Debby said...

Yep, they do both ends. I haven't heard of doing them at the same time. Look at it this way, you will get some good sleep. I hope that you get on that evening as I am sure we will all have something to laugh about. You will be a happy girl for about 24 worries mon. I am glad that it will get over with soon. You should be told the results in recovery. Prayers and don't be too hard on Dr. Penguin. XOX

Nancy's Notes said...

Oh Maggie, you do crack me up, coffee is now spewed all over my screen! I agree honey, wear lipstick! You will be in my thoughts and prayers and so will your doctor!


Brynwood Needleworks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brynwood Needleworks said...

Hi Maggie:
I just finished reading the previous comments and they cracked me up. You sure have a wonderful and supportive circle of friends out here! I wanted to think of something witty to say, but I won't today, and I'll tell you why.

I'm always glad to be wearing my Poise when I read here - Just. In. Case. Now, I know the "Magic Potion" you'll be drinking all day, and I'd hate to be the cause for a terrible accident if we made you laugh too hard, so I'm gonna refrain...

Seriously, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers today and tomorrow, as you've been all through this time in your life I'm sure you'd rather forget. God and your girlfriends will see you through this, too.

Love you, Maggs.

Garden of Egan said...

Honey you are going to do just fine. I had both ends done just last month.
I made a joke to the surgeon not to mess things up and he laughed. Ya, he's heard it before.
I told my doc that as long as I was out I WANTED both ends done.
I'll be thinking of you today. The prep was the worst.
I didn't care about not being able to eat anything, I was just so sick of drinking.
I did the 32 in an hour or something like that.

Your throat and your butt is in my prayers!!!!!

The French Bear said...

Maggie, you be a good girl today and take your medicine and remember, if the doctor can do both you having a two for one day!!
Take care and let's hope this will all be behind you, he he, okay I couldn't resist that one!!!
Hugs to you will be okay!

Brenda@Cozy Little House said...

Frankly, Maggie, at this point in my life I'm not sure I trust a man (doctor) to do either end.
Good luck!

Brushed By An Angel said...

Been there - done that!! Wish the doctor had told me in advance how sore the bottom gets after visiting the bathroom so many times - thank goodness I had the grandbabies' Desitin ointment!!

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

HAHAHAHA you crack me up! opps no pun intended
I think I should mark one end sounds like a great idea.
Oh Brenda you go girl
love you all

Mumsy said...

Sweet Maggie, you are just sooooooooooo funny. You have got to be the first person I have ever heard of to be getting both ends worked on at the same time by the same doctor. I don't blame you for asking questions. LOL I guess getting it all done at one time will get you back up and running smooth a lot faster though, so you go for it! Looking forward to hearing all went well and you recoup quickly. Love and hugs

Marilyn said...

Oh Sweetie...... It will be over before you know it!!

The White Farmhouse said...

Oh my! I don't know if I would want to be poked at both ends at once. I am with you though. I would definitely want to have the throat surgery done first! It's like getting a pregnancy test and a lollipop at the same time. You surely don't want to mix those two up! I will be praying that all goes well for you.

Sharon said...

Maggie you just crack me up.I do hope that all goes well and you are up and running soon.
I agree that you should take a marker and put TOP and Bottom.
My husband will be going through the same thing in a couple of days.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

bunny said...

You'll be fine won't feel a fact, you'll probably feel better after being cleaned out. Go home and have a good sleep and eat light afterwords.It's the prep that sucks. Piece of cake...oopps, food.


Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

oh Maggie I am so not looking forward to having one of those colonscopys done...but do keep us posted on how you make me giggle as I love how you tell us whats going on...keep your sense of humor through out all of this..I said the same thing I hope he washes his hands before he does your throat..:)

Susan said...

Oh Maggie! Well, if they have to put you under, I'm glad it will only be the one time.
You will be in my prayers.

carla ( said...

When I can quit laughing(thanks) I will be sending hugs and prayers!!!!

Cherrie said...

Nothing like a full service doctor! I would say have a great day but I don't think you will, sorry!
Today is the day I go to the surgeon for my knee! Hope he don't hurt me to bad!!

Arkansas Patti said...

What a guy !!! Suppose he could do a pedicure while he is at it? I'm sure you haven't been able to reached your feet in a while with your bum back. Full service is full service after all.
I love that you can laugh about it and make us crack up also.
You are facing the hardest part with the drink from Hell but it is at least good for instant weight loss.
Let us know the results and I'm sure you will have a tale(or is that tail) to tell. Good wishes for great results.

Taos Sunflower said...

I think someone is missing a great opportunity by not asking you to write a newspaper column or publish a book. Good luck today! I remember drinking what seemed like gallons of chicken broth. I just hate not chewing my food, dang. Lucky you get "done" early in the morning and don't have to do this today and wait until tomorrow afternoon! XOXO

Julie Harward said...

Good luck will all go well and then you can sleep it off...I've been there and done that too and it was ok. :D

Diane at Crafty Passions said...

I will be thinking of you and saying a little prayer too!
Maggie your so funny, you crack me up... here you are in pain and going through more stuff and still you can make us laugh.
Take care now

LuLu Kellogg said...

As long as he washes his hands!! *giggle*

The colonoscopy is a piece of cake. I had one last year and it was a breeze!! You won't know a thing. The nurse was really funny though and said I kept telling the doctor I was


Sue said...

Hope all goes well, Maggie. It seems like a good deal to get both things done at once.

Your post cracked me up, which makes me feel slightly guilty considering what you have to go through tomorrow. However, I know it's your sense of humor that brings you through all of this!


Marydon said...

Awww, sugar, this is such a simple procedure ... had them both done at the same time. All you want to do is go home & sleep for a bit when done. I hated the taste of the 'junk' they squirt down my throat for the procedure tho, yucky tasting. Take a mint to suck on as soon as they release you, it helps. May all the results come back good for you.

Re floor wax, I saw your comment somewhere ... Trewax hardwood floor cleaner is fabulous. You may reach them at Beaumont Products, 1-800-451-7096.

Hugs & prayers sweet lady ~
TTFN ~ Marydon

Nezzy said...

OMGosh girl, we just sure hope the Dr. knows one end from the other! Oh baby, I'd never heard of working on both ends at the same time 'cept for in the cattle chute. I will be prayin' for you Maggie....both ends! :o)

Ya'll have a terrifically blessed Thursday and hang close to the toilet girl!

yaya said...

Maggie, your post reminded me of something my crazy, funny sister said to me...this Halloween she's going to put peanut butter around her mouth and go as an a******...I don't use potty words, but you get the picture! I know the procedure will go just fine and like I told you think of the pounds that will be gone on Saturday morning!

Sybil said...

Hi Maggie, What a laugh yo give us all Bless You...I think the marking of top and bottom is best suggestion !! Will have you in my thoughts and prayers tonight and tomorrow
God Bless sybil xx

Lynns Lovelies said...

Maggie, girly-girl, you are tooooo much! I LOVE the way you describe things, just like most of us think;)
I have a question: what are you going to do if this talented Dr actually looks like Dr McDreamy or McSteamy????LOL!! Just thought I'd ask!
Good luck and take Marydon's advice about the mint...I am sure it will help!


~Let FREEDOM Ring!~

Sares said...

Maggie , thank goodness there is nothing wrong with your sense of humor! At least you're killing two birds with one stone and won't have to go in twice, however I imagine it won't be any fun to have both ends sore.
I hope and pray your next test results come back with the all clear. Hang in there girl!

Ronda said...

Well my dear, it sure seems that you are going through it all at the same time right now.
PLEASE know you are in my prayers daily.
Please keep us all up to date on your progress.

Love & Prayers,

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh Maggie......once again you crack me up. You might consider hanging a sign around your neck that says 'THIS END FIRST".

Or tape one on your backside that says "THIS END LAST". (O:(O:(O:

All teasing aside, dear friend. I know all will come out ok in the end. No.......I didn't mean to say that!!!!! Anyway......being serious now. I know everything will turn out O.K. You are in my thoughts and I sending a little prayer your way.



Shelly said...

Oh Mags! Both Ends?

This reminds me of an episode at my house, back in the late 80's-not quite of the same magnitude,,but memorable, nonetheless!

I was a single mom, working at Nordstrom,,,,,,in Bellevue (aka Snobville) just minutes from Microsoft and land of Bazillionaires.......

So? I was lucky; I had "in-home" daycare for my two "Dandies",,,,the boys. Meagan was my au-pair,,,daycare/nanny extrodinaire. She worked all my weird Norstrom/retail hours-again, in my home!

But I came home one night and she was donning a pair of MY $$$ Calvin Klein jeans. Now, you have to understand that this 50 something,,,at the time mother of 5 Mostly grown children, did EVERTHING right! She cooked/cleaned/read/walked my boys constantly. She had a way with laundry and chores, that truly put ME to shame.

But alas, this particular eve she was wearing MY clothes after hugging BOTH the toilet AND my sink!

Humiliated? Yep, she was. Sick, yep. But still, she managed to get through the afternoon/eve with my boys!

Mags,,,,,I'd give you my jeans, my sink, and help you maintain your dignity in the process too! That's what friends are for!

(Meagan and I are still in touch,,,,some 20 years later, she's a trooper, and so are YOU!)

You're in my thoughts all the time, my dear! I hope all goes well, and youd BEST post ASAP what's going on to all your friends! WE LOVE YOU!!

Hugs and Pieces!

And, if you know what's TRULY good for you, you'd best send me AND LULU your phone # and Addy!

~ Regan said...

GOod luck Maggie!! I'll be thinking of you! I know you will get through this ok.

dulcy said...

Oh my gosh! I can't think of a thing to add. All the comments from your many friends are informative, insightful, and hilarious! When you're done with all this, and on your feet, please do something super way nice for yourself Maggie. You've earned it! Since it's now Friday, all will be over with before you know it!

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God Bless!