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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Once Again I Need You!


This is a picture of Warden Henderson, Me, Captain Starkey and my friend Sharon. I have forgotten now why the Captain thought I needed to be blown up like a dumb blond.

Years ago on my 45th Birthday I remember lying on a cold steel table in a hospital being tattooed for the beginning of ten weeks of radiation. I had been told a month before I had Breast Cancer and so after surgery the treatments would be the next defense against this horrible cancer. What was really strange about being my 45th Birthday was my dad was also diagnosed with Breast Cancer when he was 45.

I remember every day driving myself to treatments an hour away and then afterwards to work which was just a thirty minute drive from there. This went on until my last three treatments when my Asst. Warden at the Prison I worked sent me home for at least three days of rest. He took one look at me during the last week and decided enough was enough. Go Home!

This Warden took my having Breast Cancer as hard as or even harder than I did. Not a day went by that he did not come looking for me to see if I was still keeping my head up. The day I found out he took me into his office and for the first ten minutes he just sat there with the saddest expression and neither one of us said anything. I got up to leave thinking why did he call me in his office if he was not going to say something. When I got to the door he said, “Don’t let me catch you without your head up and a smile on your face or you will be back in the office!” I looked at him like he had lost it and went back to my assigned area. Little did I know that was the best advice anyone gave me during my cancer. Because he was telling me Maggie you’re going to fight this and you’re going to do it with your head up. I made up my mind that day I was going to do just that and I fought and won.

The reason for me telling you this story is because I can’t sleep tonight because there is a chance that I may need to hear those words again. On and off for a long time I have had problems swallowing and years ago had my esophagus stretched and now it is closing up again and now my doctor will start the ball rolling tomorrow to find a Doctor to do this surgery that of course carries my insurance at the Sheriff’s Dept. His only concern with the throat is that it has been going on too long and that increases the chances for cancer.

This though was not his biggest concern because remember the other day I mentioned waking up with pains in other areas besides the back and neck. I was hurting really bad under my left breast and after looking and feeling of it there is a mass there which I told him it could be from my fall. It could be I broke a few ribs when I fell but the thinks I would have known it before now but I told him I have been on so many pain pills and my back hurting so bad that maybe I did not realize this was hurting too. Well he is concerned more about the Breast Cancer returning so he ordered a CAT scan for that area.

I felt bad telling my kids about it tonight because it seems like all I ever have lately is bad news. I was going to wait and tell you after my test were run but could not sleep knowing that I should tell you because if this were you I would want to know plus I truly believe in the power of prayer by many. So my friends once again I need your prayers. Not sure when they will do the C scan hopefully by Friday. Tomorrow is my pool therapy but if they sat up a C scan I will do my best to do both. Not sure when the throat surgery will be but it is an in an out procedure and if they don’t find anything in there it will be a piece of cake.

Of course my doctor told me not to jump to any conclusion and to not worry. Which I will do my best to think of Warden Henderson and hold my head up and pray for the best.

I am hoping it is just a broken rib causing this pain.

Boy I have been a pain to all of you lately but without you I would of already gone AWOL.
Hope you all entered Donna’s giveaway! I can not wait to see the finished piece.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart for being my friend and listening to my troubles. Now that I know you are praying for me I can go to sleep. I was lying here thinking before I got up to do this post about my kids, my grand kids and you. If this does turn out not to be good news I am going to print out all of your comments from all the post back and make me a book out of them so I can pick them up and read them whenever I feel down. Your comments always crack me up. You are the best!

My friend Janie went to the doctor with me and she went through the first cancer with me at the Pack Unit and I told her I don't think I have the strength to do this again but that's when she reminded me of Warden Henderson and his calling me into his office.

Love to All
Maggie










 

56 comments:

The White Farmhouse said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I know you will have all the love and support from everyone that visits your blog. I will be keeping you in my prayers and hoping for the best. If anyone can beat this you can though. After all you have been through you should be able to give anything a swift kick in the pants!

The Paper Princess said...

Dear Maggie,

I haven't been able to contact you directly (you're set up to "no reply" on blogger when I try to reply to your comments!) but I am SO sorry to hear you are dealing with health issues and wanted you to know you are in my heart, thoughts, and prayers. I've been under the weather myself this past week so I haven't been online to comment much but have been reading your posts and they always make me smile!

Hugs
Ramona
http://create-with-joy.blogspot.com

~ Regan said...

Aw, Maggie, I'm so sorry! I am keeping you in my prayers. Try to stay positive- let us know how your scan went!

Linda said...

Ah, Maggie! I am so hoping and praying that all will be well for you. You've been given good advice...keep your chin up, and that beautiful smile on your face.

Dan said...

Maggie~

Oh my goodness! Just when you think you can not take anymore, this happens. All that I can say is that as always you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

God never gives us more than we can handle, so you must be the strongest person on Earth. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. I am sure everything will be fine.

You have to get better soon, you have a kitchen to tweak!

Take Care!
Love~
~Dan~

Happy To Be/ Gl♥ria said...

God hears your name Maggie girl...you hang in there my friend...Hugs and smiles Gl♥ria

cindy said...

Maggie-

You just need to move to Kentucky so I can take care of you!!
I will have you tucked away in my heart - lifting you up before the throne.
Believing in you,
Cindy

Rebecca said...

Dear Mags...

Lifting you up to the Most High this very moment my friend. This may be big for you but it isn't for God.

Keep that head up of yours and that smile across your face. He is able to do (and He does!) great things.

Love to you~

Rebecca

Susan said...

Maggie,
I don't know what to say. It would be so cliche.
I was widowed when I was very young. A few years later, I lost a child in another accident. My only daughter has a horrible, degenerative disease.
I always like what Winston Churchill said, and I can hear his growly voice saying,
Never, never, never, never, never,never, never give up.
You have already been through so much and you have come out on the other side. You are a fighter.
Remember that Jesus said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
S

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Hi Maggs:
Now THIS is what friends are for! ...
I know that you've been in pain, and drugged, and bored out of your gourd, and thinking the worst about lots of things, but I didn't think you had the strength or inclination to be lifting BIG rocks to look under these days! I thought you'd be lying there in your frilly nightie (you know, the one with the low neckline and lacy hemline), sipping mint juleps, driving your men-callers wild, and thinking up witty posts for your little corner of Blogland. Oh, yeah, and perhaps by now, someone might have sent you an abacus to keep track of the slats in the ceiling.

I know that lying around leaves so much "head time", so I'm not surprised that other things might be weighing on your mind, but that's quite a list you've assembled, girlfriend. On a serious note, you know that you have my prayers and thoughts always. You're gonna be fine. I'll pray that you just have a sore throat from all the drugs you've been taking, perhaps a cracked rib from the fall, and NO CANCER!!! I won't allow it!

You be sure to let us know what you find out. I'm gonna put together a pack of romance novels so that you have something to occupy your mind during the rest of this 'down time'. I'd rather have you thinking about Fabio than Chemo! I'm here for you, my friend.

Love you,
Donna

Sharon said...

I am so sorry to hear this but I know that you will keep your head up and a smile on your face.
It sounds like you have been going through so much here lately.
Hugs and Prayers

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

My Dear Sweet Maggie...
I am here darlin. Just want you to know I will be pushing you the whole way. You are one of the strongest ladies I know, and you my friend are a SURVIVOR remember?

You will NOT walk this walk alone. We are all right here behind you sweetie. Let's not panic until the doctor runs the tests, and go from there. Baby steps. Try not to get ahead of yourself. Sometimes we know to much for our own good.

Please email me your phone number, I would so love to give you a call. I don't know that you can understand me when I talk, I am very hoarse still. The doctor is going to be putting me on a no talk for one week to see if we can get a better result with my voice. That will be fun. I go to see him tomorrow morning.

I am so happy that you have written us and shared. Sometimes we just need to let others help us carry the burden. In this case, yes you did.

I am praying as I write this letter sweetie, and I will be lighting a prayer candle for you. Please remember that you are so loved.

I do not know of any other lady who could take on that North 40 like you do. That tractor has your name on it. Believe me you can do whatever you set your mind to. I will be praying and thinking of you sweet friend as you go through each of these tests.

Many hugs and so much love Maggie sweetie. Your friend always, Sherry

Carol/Firecrackerkid said...

Dear Maggie, My prayers that this is nothing more than a result from your accident. God has given you a strong will, and lots of friends who love and care about you whom will pray for you. Hugs~Carol

Lisalulu said...

such thoughts when you can't sleep.. so glad you feel to share with us! and yes you have so many friends out here in blog land... funny how we all feel connected. So, get it taken care of take the cat scan and check in with all your doctors. Also glad you are talking with the Dr's and not just ignoring your pain! What stories you tell and will be able to tell of your life and times. Keep us posted.

Garden of Egan said...

Maggie, I totally love you and I am sending hugs your way.

Please keep us posted.

I just think you are such a wonderful person and I want you to know that.

Tina Eudora said...

Maggie there are no words to express how deeply I feel right now...prayers, all my prayers are for you "Texas Belle"!
My dad was a Texan and I lived in Houston and Splendora on and off for 15 years and one thing I know for sure...the ladies of Texas are no nonsense, gorgeous (with a steel backbone) ladies! They fought hard to earn their right to look beautiful and cool even in the most scorching hot, dusty place on earth, haha and I know you are as Texas as the Alamo and you will win whatever fight you get into! I love you dearly, Y'all
Tina xo

Diane at Crafty Passions said...

Think positive,that's what my mother always told me always think positive.
You will be in my prayers
Diane

Angela said...

Hey beautiful lady. I'm adding to to Fearless Friday tomorrow ((hugs))

Brighid said...

Ok Maggs let's cut the crap & kick some butt! The Rancher in the sky will never give you more than you can handle.

Andrea said...

Maggie,
i am storming the heavens with you! Please keep your chin up...head up...and keep your focus on our Heavenly Father!
Hugs,
andrea

Gerry said...

We are ALL here for you, Maggie.
We are sending you all the best wishes and thoughts we can muster.
Love you
Hugs & ♥♥♥s
Gerry

Taos Sunflower said...

Maggie: Of all my internet friends, I can't think of anyone who has a bigger heart, a more positive attitude, and so much love you have enough leftover to share it with all of us. So now it's our turn to hit "return to sender" and cover you with love, prayers, and positive thoughts. I'm sad I'm not nearby to help you in some way (please note you may be saved because of this: I am not a good cook, nor do I relish cleaning house). I have broad shoulders, though, and am here for you through whatever comes your way. XOXO Martie

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

I know we've only recently "met" Maggie, but I will be thinking of you, fingers crossed, with prayers sent up for your throat surgery; also hoping that broken ribs is all you have going on. Are you sure that first picture isn't from Twilight {or whatever that vampire movie is that is so popular}? You look like you are being attacked by a vampire! {Go "Team Captain Sharkey"! Apparently, they say that too. It goes with the movie}. : )

Debby said...

Oh Maggie of course you will have my thoughts and prayers. I hope that this is accident related you have been through so much. Once you have had cancer these scares are so hard. So please keep us informed and let's hope for the best. ((((HUGS))))

bunny said...

OH Maggie...I'm sorry to hear all this. If I was there I would distract you like crazy to help ease your mind. It's the not knowing that stinks. Thank you for telling us and yes...we will pray, think happy thoughts, send good karma and do the jig....WE LOVE YOU!!

bunny

Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

Maggie you will be in my prayers that everything will be okay..what a wonderful warden..Please take care..;)

The French Bear said...

Oh dear Maggie girl!!! Just when I think things are going better for you, this happens!!! Listen, I am going to come over and bring with me the newest recruits I can find and then they are going to be your helpers for one week, how does that sound!!! Well maybe not, all that drooling and the doctors will think you went senile, hmmm I will have to think of something else!
I am praying for you sweetie, sending very good thoughts and giving you all the best karma I can!!!
Big hugs and lots of love,
Mags
xoxo
(TOM)

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh sweet Maggie......I'm so sorry to hear this news....You have certainly been thru more than your share of "life's stuff"......I truly believe that the weight of life can be carried in he arms of God's grace.

You know......God likes a good laugh, too, and I know your posts crack him up.......you will weather this storm.....Many positive thoughts and hugs are being sent your way!!!

Love,

Jo

artangel said...

Oh Maggie, you must be due some good luck hon surely!! There's little point telling you not to worry I know, so I'll just say that I'll be thinking of you and hoping and focusing on good results for you. Hang in there sweetie :)

Cherrie said...

You are a strong woman and don't you forget it! My thoughts and prays are heading your way! Do you feel them yet!

Julie Harward said...

Dang it Maggie...I am so mad I could have a "come a part!" What the heck is going on with you...it just makes me cry! OK...I am praying for you and crossing all my body parts for good news...hang in there tough lady...lets keep hoping! :D

Karen Whittal said...

My dear friend, as I sit here my heart is very heavy, but know that you are in my prayers, and know that God does not lead you to something that he does not give you the strength to go through, we are only an email, away let us know what we can do to help
Ecclesiastes 4 9-10 we are all here for you

Kim said...

Maggie,
It goes without saying that prayers are continuing in your name. Keep the faith that the test results will be in your favor and your injuries from the fall will continue to heal quickly.
Thinking of you, Kim (hugs)

June said...

Oh sweetie, I don't even know what to say...I am going to my knees right now to say a prayer for you Maggie. I am kindda like the warden right now, just sitting here with a very sad look on my face. You have been through just too much lately. Keep your head up and hope in your heart.
hugs

Ba Ba and Mommy said...

You are in my prayers and I hope the news you receive will be good news.

If I could, I'd fly you out West and have my two little boys keep you in stitches. There's nothing they like better than making adults smile and laugh with their antics.

Take care.

Meghan said...

Oh Maggie! I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping for nothing but positive news! Keep smiling because you are loved!!! Sending you lots of hugs!

Mumsy said...

Oh, sweet Maggie I am so sorry to hear that you have more problems and mountains to climb. But thank God for Warden Henderson and your friend Janie. You keep Warden Henderson's words in your mind all the time and you hold your sweet head up and beat it ALL...you CAN do it again if you have to and I know you can. There is always prayer going up for you from here and it will not stop. You have been through a lot but you are going to make it to the mountain top again so hold your head high, smile and keep being the sweet lady that you are...it is all going to get better. Sending you lots of love and hugs!

Sue said...

I am praying for you right now and will continue. Boy, have you had a rough time lately!

Keep your chin up, Maggie. That warden was right.

Hugs.
Sue =)

LuLu Kellogg said...

Put that necklace on and keep me close to your heart. I will be praying for you dear Maggie.

I don't know if I ever told you but I had breast cancer too....mastectomy and 22 months of chemo. I am tough 'ole cuss and still kicking. You have a lot of kick left in you too so onward and upward my Sister in Survivorship!

Love you,
LuLu~*xoxo

yaya said...

You can tell by all the comments how much everyone cares for you...it's funny how blogging has introduced me to so many funny, cool, crazy and just plain wonderful people. I count you as all of the above! So hang in there and wait for the results and then if any dragon slaying needs done, we'll all be there for you! I'm praying now for you and I do have to smile at your Captain Starkey...That's my last name! Kathy Starkey

JANN said...

Truly sorry to hear all this Maggie. Such serious matters shouldn't happen to a nice lady like yourself. PLEASE KNOW I will keep YOU in my Prayers.
hugs from a Texas friend!

Stephanie ~ Angelic Accents said...

Maggie, I'm so sorry that you are having more problems. I've already said a prayer that this is not nearly as serious as you are thinking. You will be in my thoughts each day and my prayers each night. Rest assured that we will all be praying for a wonderful outcome for you.....and SOON!

Big TX Hugs,
Stephanie
Angelic Accents

Marydon said...

Precious Maggie, my special friend ...
It is with tear filled eyes that I read your write. The warden is right you will survive, the Almighty God is there fighting with you & holding you in His hands, He does perform miracles & heals ... nothing is impossible, you are strong & we are here for you. Send me your address & phone number, Maggie ... blushing_rose_boutique@yahoo.com

You are being lifted in prayer as I write this, sweetie.

May the angels bless you ...
Have a lovely summers eve ~
TTFN ~ Hugs of love, Marydon

Debbie Jean said...

Maggie, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope all goes well. Keep us informed please..

God Bless~
Debbie Jean

Mimi Sue said...

I absolutely and for sure know that prayers cause miracles to happen. Our familie's prayers are with you. One must hang on to hope and like everyone else says never, never give up. Mimi

Sares said...

Prayers and more prayers on the way for you Maggie.

Lesley said...

Good morning Maggie, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I will be thinking of you over the days to come. I am a Pagan, but my prayers are no less sincere. than Christian ones. I hope you will accept them with the love they sent with. Blessings My Friend

HOOTIN' ANNI said...

My dear....YOU WILL be in my thoughts. This is something only natural, to be worried and yet wanting to be positive. I'm glad your friend reminded you of your warden telling you to hold your head up high!! That's all it takes...and a positive attitude and friends like us.

Arkansas Patti said...

You are all ready in my prayers Maggie and I have no doubts with all the people beside you and praying for you that you will come thru this just fine.
As a cancer survivor also,I know we are prone to go through life with an ear cocked listening for that "other shoe" to drop. 99% of the time, it just doesn't happen.
Wait for the test results and deal with them IF you have to. Take it from a long time dry alcoholic, "one day at a time" works.
Small bites will finish a meal.
Now back to my prayers for my blogger buddy. Be well friend.

dulcy said...

Hi Maggie.....

Well, it's Friday, and I'm just going to think about you all day and send you all the good thoughts and energy I can muster. I can see from all the lovely comments from dear blogger friends that a lot of that is coming your way. Your attitude about life is so fun and upbeat, reading your blog is always such a treat for me. Know that you have a friend in the Ozarks who will be checking in regularly hoping to hear good news. Thanks for letting all your friends out here know what's going on....
xo
Dulcy

Shirley said...

Oh Maggie, You know you are in my heart and prayers even though I have not known you that long. I know that you will be a fighter. Just take it one day at a time. I just got through with the test because I was having some difficultly in swallowing my pills. So far so good. You have a lot of friends in blogland that are pulling for you. We want the very best for you. They always say that God only gives you what he thinks you can handle. Take care. Your Missouri Friend.

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Because of all these lovely comments I am going to be okay and I adore each and everyone of you.
Love
Maggie

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

Blog-hopping and landed here from Joanne's blog. Your story moves me and I will also be praying for you. Seems we all have troubles in this life - some more than others - and the best way to get through them is through prayer and perserverance. I'm a strong believer in both.

God bless you as you travel this path of uncertainty and may you meet each challenge head-on.

Angela said...

((((((((((((hugs))))))) We all lifted you up yesterday dear sister in prayer and covered you like a beautiful quilt made in love...Continuing to pray and thank God for the goodness He will pour upon your entire body, mind and soul.

Brenda@Cozy Little House said...

Oh Maggie, I'm so sorry. You don't need or deserve any more bad news right now. I got a chill reading about your esophagus. Because that has been my fear for a long time. I've had GERD for many years. And a few times I've had Barrett's Esophagus, a precursor to cancer. I need to get an endoscopy, as I've put it off for a few years. Gotta do it. You know I'll be thinking about you.
Brenda

Delena said...

Thanks as always for your comments on my blog. Yes we are a couple of busy old people. Nothing like working with pain in every part of our bodies. Should have done this when we were thirty not 60. Those three little gals on my header are granddaughters and I just caught them playing on my hammock. I ran for the camera and captured them. So much fun. I am thinking of you and just know you will get through this latest setback soon. Hugs