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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Longing For Something but What?

Good morning to all of you out here in the our world of blogging. I just could not sleep so instead I got up and sent the kids an email thanking them for coming to the reunion and to read your comments because I knew if I heard from you I would feel better and might could go back to sleep.

The ghost were not a hit like I had wanted them to be. Mainly because my babies did not get to my house until after the reunion and it was dark by then. They did say they got to see them going down the road on the way to my brothers house where we had the reunion.

Isn't it funny how we have such expectations of something and then when its all over it was nothing like you anticipated. Everyday since putting up those silly ghost I went out there morning and evening to repair them so they would look good for my grand babies. I do have a suggestion when you put yours up do it where the wind does not blow like your in West Texas. We have not had wind or rain in a month but build something outside and you will get both. lol...I think it was silly of me to get so excited about Kaci and Bailey seeing them. I guess I wanted to do something special since they have not been to my house since before my fall in April.  I miss them and being creative too.

Everything in fact I did for this weekend was a flop. I got up yesterday morning at 6am to put on scalloped potato's in the crock pot and instead of  putting them on high I was half a sleep and put them on warm instead. Needless to say no scalloped potato's went to the reunion. Thank goodness I made a Blue Berry Crunch Cake to take too. But I noticed when I left that only one person had tried it. :( 

I made chicken spaghetti and another Blue Berry Crunch for Sunday thinking they were going to spend the night but my Daughter in Law Andrea had a cold and said she wanted to sleep in her own bed and then at the reunion Clint said he had to work too. Then Chad was going to stay but he brought Christi with him and she had her dog at home so they had to go back too. So I told Gretchen she was eating Chicken Spaghetti until she leaves for London on Tuesday. She did meet the family when they stopped by here on their way home from the reunion. Of course, she fell in love with Kaci and Bailey because they did a dance for her to an Elvis song.

I also made something I had never tried before and of course I am left with them too. I may gain 500 hundred pounds this week. I did sneak a few of them to the kids to take home. They were simple but so good. Just buy one of those Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip ready to cook cookie mix and the bite size reese's peanut butter cups. (I used the sugar free because of Chad and Kaci) You just seperate the cookies roll them in small balls shape them in a tart pan and then bake them. Then place the reese's candy in the center and you have a little treat. So easy and good.

For some reason could not enjoy the reunion either. Except of course I loved seeing loved ones I have not seen in a long while. I kept finding myself in the bathroom wiping tears out of my eyes. Yep like a school girl. I guess because we all never get together any more and then when we do its not the same. Plus Gary was at MD Anderson until 3am that morning taking his chemo so he did not come. His only child was there and I kept finding myself sitting by him since he was alone too.

Kaci was bit by a furry insect and she cried and cried so that started by trips to the bathroom ....hahaha

Seriously I think the tears were silly because I know my kids love me. They give me so much but they are busy with their own lives now and so sometimes I get to thinking too much about the past when things were better between all of us and the tears flow. Like now sitting here at four in the morning when I should be in bed with Tinkerbell. Maybe thats my problem sleeping with a cat. hahahaha

One thing about this weekend. I changed sheets on four beds whether they needed it or not. I cooked for a change and my house is cleaner than it has been in a while. The ole porch even got washed down. Funny I don't think anyone noticed but thats okay because in a few hours when I sit out there thinking about how much I love all of you and my kids I will be glad it was finally cleaned.

Gretchen will be gone for the next three weeks seeing about school in London. She actually wants me to consider taking the courses with her in creative writing. Wow if I were only 20 years younger and knew what I knew now you bet I would take those classes.

Hope you enjoy your Sunday!

Love to all
Maggie

46 comments:

The French Bear said...

Oh Maggie, so much is happening and yet you still seemed to miss out on the visiting part.....it always comes so quickly and you are right, way too much food left over! We ate turkey all week and I finally threw out the pumpkin cheese cake, we were eating too much of it!!! The choc treats sound real yummy!!!
Too bad we weren't closer, I'd hook that daughter of yours up with my son.....he needs a good woman!!! We would make a great pair of Grammas!!!
Take care Honey!!!
Love ya!
Mags,
TOM

Lesley said...

Oh Maggie, I wish I could hop on a plane and fly across the 'pond'. just to give you a big hug. I feel your disappointment deeply, but at least you get to see your family. My daughter hasn't spoken to me in 4 years, except once when she needed money. If it wasn't for facebook I would have no contact with my grandchildren either, but they send messages when they can. I hope your pain will ease soon. Blessings

Donna said...

Ohhh, My heart aches for you Maggie! I know that all too familiar feeling of looking forward to a special day, preparing, planning and suddenly it's over without all the fanfare that you dreamed of! I've learned to tone down my expectations because I get so diappointed.
You ARE a creative writer though so maybe THAT should be your next "Great Expectation"...pun intended!!

acorn hollow said...

Life is not as easy as we all thought it would be at a certain age. The lack of sleep is always an issue. I have that same problem myself. families are complex with their own set of rules some of which make no sense to us at the time. I wish you happier days and enjoy your clean house.
Cathy

Lynns Lovelies said...

Oh dear Maggie, I wish I could give you a hug.
All that work and expectation...well hopefully now you are snoozing with Tink;)
I think you should take a creative writing course...venture out and do it for you!

Hugs,
Lynn♥

Linda said...

I guess all families are basically the same. Mine all come for Thanksgiving. We have 3-4 days of cooking, eating, opening presents, crying, laughing, talking, taking pictures, playing on the computers, sleeping, and just getting exhausted. We now have 20 that come. Then they all go home, and I get to do the bed clothes, clean up, again, dust, vacuum, clean out the refrigerator, catch up on the blogs, etc.

Oh, I'm tired just thinking about it.

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Dearest Maggie:
It's so hard when people don't meet our expectations of them. You were so excited to have the chance to be around everyone else - and it's just not the same. "Relatives" will always let you down, but "family" is here for you whenever you need us. I'm glad that, when you couldn't sleep at 4 this morning, you went online and shared your burden with all of us. Together, we can help carry your weight, support you when you're hurting, and always pray for your healing...of your body, your heart and your mind.

I think Gretchen's idea for you to take some writing classes would be wonderful. Your life experiences, your sense of humor and your...ahem...maturity could make you the next Erma Bombeck, girlfriend!

Love,
Donna
xoxo

Mumsy said...

Sweet Maggie, with all you have been trough over the last several months, I am not at all surprised at your tears. They just happen to come on the day you were with your beloved family. They were there ready to flow and give you some relief and something just triggered them at that time. You may not feel better after those tears but I can assure you had they not come you would feel even worse. Tears wash away a lot of stuff.

I am so sorry about Kaci and the bite or sting and hope she is doing okay now. I also hope that Gary's treatment went well and he is holding up alright.

All that food sounds yummy to me and if I were near you I would be putting on some pounds right along with you.

Hope you got some rest after your post. Have a great day sweet Maggie and feel better, okay? You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs for you and nose kisses for Tinkerbell from Chancy and me! Love you!

Lisalulu said...

oh man that sounds like a truly bittersweet weekend. You sometimes write what we all feel. A love a family we don't see that often! and when we do it is never enough time. My thoughts are with you and so glad you so freely express them to all of us your blogin friends!

Tina Eudora said...

Oh Maggie dry those tears, sweet lady! I don't think there is a mom in the world who has not had that let-down feeling after making a huge effort to make everything perfect and then having no one take special notice of all our work. But I do know that someday soon they will think back on the day and they will remember how it looked and the cake and cookies you made and they will smile!
Uhh now for that left over cake......I can send you my home address anytime! Love ya...
Tina xo

Susan said...

Maggie
I am sorry you are so sad. And I can understand why, with everything that's been going on; your brother, your back... Plus, you are still medicated, so that adds to the pot. And as funny as you made it sound when your friend saw the ex's ho, things like that hurt.
You are in my thoughts and prayers

Marla @ Always Nesting said...

OH Maggie, You and I must have been on the same page this weekend! I was laying in bed last night, crying, because I feel like such a failure with my kids. Not that they are in any way failures, but because I don't feel as connected to them now that they are grown :(

Maggie, we need to have a slumber party, gab, cry and just get it all out. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Love you girlfriend.

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

Oh dear Maggie! I always do that with Christmas. I always build it up {and we all do, I guess} with decorating weeks beforehand and always trying to get that "just right" gift for someone. I am at that point where my kids have started doing their own things. My daughter is married with a baby this year. She's very good about coming over and I see them weekly because they are close, but at some point I know that may change once the baby gets older {school age}. My son, too. He lives with us still {he's 20} but between school and work and his girlfriend I sometimes only see him twice a week.

Getting back into crafting and doing projects was the best thing I ever did! Last winter it kept me so busy. My hubby's in retail so I basically become a "retail widow" from Thanksgiving time till after New Years. I sometimes find myself sad and wanting to cry, wishing for years back that have passed, but I try to snap out of it because it's not good to be like that all the time. It's okay sometimes, but it's better to be in the here and now. Love what is going on in your life now and, if you don't, change it! A class might not be a bad idea, Maggie.

June said...

Oh Maggie, I wish I was there right now hugging you and gaining the 500 pounds with you. I feel so bad that things didn't go as planned for you. I know that it is hard when we are excited about something and it doesn't turn out as we hoped. Just keep repeating 'I am grandmayellow hair to some very special people and they love me' and remember that I send you big, big hugs too.
Love you,

Cherrie said...

I wish I could come over and give you a hug! I have been trying to battle off a little depression since my surgery So I have been a little down in the dumps myself crying and thinking on the past!
I think you should do the writing class and see what new adventures await you. I have been thinking about taking some cake decorating classed after the holidays myself!
My thoughts and love are with you!

Brighid said...

Change is how we roll. Expectations are what we make of them. I have great memories of family gatherings. We don't get together much anymore, we are all so busy living our lives. But you know what, we still keep in touch, and I know they love me as I love them. Let the good times roll...

Debby said...

Oh my dear friend. I don't like it that you are sad. I wish you could spend some quality time with those darling grandbabies. That would help so much. I would take a picture of those darn ghosts and save it or send it to the kids in a Halloween card. They will love them. I have seen them before and loved them but never tried to make them. So sad that everyone had to rush off. Geez Louise. Having your brother not being there I am sure made those tears come down even more. You sad little thing. I hope that things improve.

Before I even read your post I was tearful. My kids got me a web cam and a trip to the spa for my
BD. We just got the web cam working. Seeing two of my out West grandkids made me sad when the call was over. I hate not seeing those babies for so long. It has been three months and that wouldn't be so bad but the baby is growing so fast and I am not seeing it. This paycheck, I am booking a flight.
I wished I lived closer for sure. Wish we could all meet (the ones that have posted before me) somwhere and cheer each other on. Hope this day improves. (((((HUGS)))

Arkansas Patti said...

Aw Maggie, you remind me so much of my sister one Thanksgiving. She spent 3 days cooking special delights from a gourmet cook book.
The meal was amazing but the family scarfed it down in no time and the only rave from her kids was for the orange flavored butter which took about 2 minutes to prepare. That was the last family Thanksgiving that she held.
Just be glad they made the trip. That is proof positive that you are loved.
Take the course. You don't need it but it is fun and you will hob nob with fertile minds which is stimulating.

bunny said...

There's a reason why all that didn't pan out...don't know what it is, but it'll come to ya. Maybe we're suppose to tell ya that we all love you and that your suppose to send me some cookies...it's possible!

bunny

jojo said...

I am so sorry to hear that things didn't work as you hoped. I always seem to have high expectations of how things will work out and they never do. I even was picturing you grands seeing the ghosts and being completely enthralled!! I must admit, I absolutely dread the holidays because of this very thing. Isn't it silly really, for me to worry so? I think it's just we want everything to be perfect for those we love....I'm sure your family will look back with wonderful memories. get some rest sweet friend.

Dragonfly Treasure said...

Oh dear, the "let down" after everything is done is so hard sometimes. I think we all imagine how it will be when they come and what we will do, then it never goes as planned. Maybe we just need to make up scripts to hand out as they come through the door!
So sorry they couldn't spend more time with you. Hope they come back soon...for longer!
Hoping your brother is doing better too.
My warm hugs, hopeful thoughts and uplifting prayers are with you always.
Try to catch up on your rest hun.
*hugs*deb

Dori said...

I just wanted to send you a hug :-) Your love for your family certainly shows.

sissie said...

Hi Maggie,
I've just been reading through the comments and thinking how wonderful it is that everyone loves you so much.
I'm so sorry that you are sad. I know what you mean about dissappointments but life is different for everyone and our family members all have their own. Just when we are slowing down and having more time for them, they have little for us.

When a family member is sick, it is very hard to not cry. I'm sending you big hugs and lots of love.

hugs
Sissie

Julie Harward said...

Believe it or not but this post brought me comfort! I do "a lot" for my family too and sometimes it seems it's not appreciated much either..so when I heard thast you felt that way, it made me feel better..I'm not the only one! Our kids won't appreciate all that we do until they are in our place one day..thats just the way it goes I guess! Oh well, I think God put us with the people we are with to serve them and thats what counts! ;D

Delena said...

This makes me sad for you. We are such good grandma's and sometimes it all goes unnoticed. I feel really out of place when we are at one of my children's parties. They are all in their 30's and early 40's and we sit in the corner like two old people who no one really wants to talk to. Thank god for the wee ones who love unconditionally. Not saying my kids are ignoring us, it's just they have their own lifes and problems and sometimes I just can't let go. Letting go is hard for this Mafia mom sometimes. I also try not to feel guilty by going to Yuma every winter. We are with our own age and we laugh and act like teenagers. It does keep us young!

yaya said...

When we were young, talking to other young moms with the same problems helped us cope. Reading this post and the comments left here I see that now we are in another stage of being moms...it's the not so fun stage of realizing we're not the center of our kids lives anymore. I've felt the same way this year more strongly than ever. I'm thinking back to how many times I must have made my mom and in-law mom sad when we weren't there for them. It's why my Mom cries when we leave after a visit. Does it remind you of that song "Cat's in Cradle"? Well, hang in there and realize that in this stage of life there are many with you! I think you should take the writing class and enjoy it and use your feelings to create a classic! What diff does age make? My computer never asks my age (or weight) when I log in!

she dreams big! said...

Why is it that the older we get, the weepier we get? Little things hurt my feelings now and I just can't get over them. You need to tell your family how you feel or else how would they ever know! Just remember, you are making memories for those little ones and no matter how long they stay with you, they will remember!

I so would love to come over and eat those leftovers with you, tear up with you and listen to your worries!

Now, go do something completely for yourself!

Nezzy said...

Who knows, girlfriend a creative class might be just what the doctor ordered!!!

I'm sorry your weekend didn't measure up to your expectations, I know how much you were lookin' forward to it.

I do the same thing...work building things up and making then special just to get shot down (sometimes) We just think in a grand way!!!

God bless you and have a beautifully pain free week!!! Now, that's and order girl :o)

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Hope you are getting some rest from all your preparations for the reunion. I must say, all the food you described sounds yummy to me! I would happily eat and gain some weight with ya!

You have lots of lovely support here in the comments left. What a blessing this wonderful world of blogging is...I know I appreciate your comments every time you stop by.

Hugs, dear friend! Thank you again for stopping by...I always seem to find myself behind in my blog reading!

Blessings & Aloha!

Cherie said...

It can be a bummer when you have high expectations and then things don't go as planned. But it is good to look on the bright side and you did get to see those grandbabies!!
I have found that people don't often notice the things you do but if you didn't do them they sure would notice that!! So somewhere in their minds I know your kids know that you tried hard in all areas and they love you!!

Tam said...

Hey Maggie
Just got on the computer after a long weekend and read about yours.
You know after reading all these other comments from your good friends I totally agree with what their saying. Not much to add but you know I have to because thats me.
First of all you are under way too much stress right now with your back and your brothers cancer. So everything is going to upset you and as far as sneaking into the bathroom to cry that was the Maggie in you. Ms Pearl should of just sat right there in front of everyone including your kids and cried like a dam had broke. I bet they would maybe then see you are under a lot of pressure and you need hugs and kisses from grandbabies.
I know just how you feel when someone flies in and stays for a few hours and then leaves. How would they feel if they had gone to all that trouble you did and then you just stayed long enough to use the bathroom and leave.
As we get older our children tend to put us on the back burner and forget that we are their mothers.
I also feel that Maggie you being alone except for Tinkerbell now is not good for you either. How you do it is beyond me and I don't want to find out.
Heres a thought pack a couple of suit cases and go to their house and bring both suitcases in. They will think of my how long is she staying with us. Stay until you wear out your welcome go home and then wait a few days and leave your suit cases packed and the do it again.
My guess is they might start coming to see you for a weekend now and then.
Boys are the worse anyway because they have to do what their wives want and most wives are jealous of their husbands mother. Don't ask me why they are but they are.
Anyway write me at tammywren@gmail.com and we can talk about this til the cows come on.
I think you are loved and if you don't think so reread these comments. Everybody loves you so get out of bed tomorrow pack a suit case and go see your grandbabies
Tam

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Maggie,

You should totally take those creative writing classes!

It would a good distraction for you this winter. There are a bunch you can take online and it would be fun for you!

Write a novel (I'm going to try and write one in November).

just do it!

xxoo,

RMW

A Tale of Two Cities said...

Tis true that sometimes the expectation of the event exceeds the actual activity itself--sorry for the little disappointments along the way. I know you worked hard to make it very special. Bet those kids remember the ghosts though, for years to come.

Writing classes in London--how fun! If she has questions about the city, tell her to connect with me...

You could teach a class yourself--I always enjoy your writing!
Debi

Sue said...

I'm sure that having an absentee Gary cast a wide shadow over the reunion, maybe more than you realized. Also, some reunions seem to go better than others (and true, things do change over the years), but you're right...Your kids love you. How could they not?

We all do.

=)

Tammy said...

I would make myself a nice hot cup of tea, put on some warm fuzzy pajama's preferably with frogs or talking fish, grab your furry bathrobe, a good book and just relax in your clean house. Make sure to make up a plate of sweet food to put on the coffee table next to your tea. Remind yourself the world has become crazy busy and your kids love you. Then, just chill. {{{{HUGS}}}}} I've had days like this and the tears won't stop. Nothing a good night of rest won't cure. Love and hugs. Tammy

Karen Whittal said...

I think that when we look forward to something we set ourselves up with expectations on greatness that could never be achieved. I would rather "throw" something together at the last moment than have weeks to plan..... because then, the need for perfection, the need for everything to be just right sets in..... and we just set ourselves up for disappointment, best part is only you thought it wasn't perfect because everyone else was happy just being with you........ lots of love Karen

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh dear Maggie.......even when you are having a hard time you continue to make all of us laugh.....bless you ....... friend.

Remember: WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS.....HEY.....FREE LEMONS!!!!!!

(O:(O:

Jo

Marydon said...

Maggie, I hurt for your hurt. Know that we are all 'family' & love you dearly. Donna said it best, on the money.

It is such fun to talk to you on the phone ... the laughter & sharing with you is just wonderful.

I think at some point we all shed a tear or two over the way things 'change' as the kid-lings 'go forth with their lives'.

How is Gary doing, I meant to ask you this the other day on the phone. Please tell him our prayers are lifting ... & for you also.

My arms are sending you big hugs, sweetie. I'll call you later this week, tomorrow is surgery.

Have a BOO-TEA-FUL week ~
TTFN ~ Marydon

Sares said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry your visit didn't go as you anticipated. WE are here when you need to vent and I say you should definitely take up writing if it interests you. Maybe now that your back is slowly healing you can begin to do some things you never thought were possible. Take care, and I thought your ghosts were FABULOUS!

Tracy Suzanne said...

Oh' Darlin' I'm so sorry that your weekend wasn't what you had anticipated. You remind me of me. And I took a peek at your ghost just now and they are so cute!!! Talk about not being impressed. I had so anticipated my Grandkids coming by and seeing my decorations (which you saw on my post from a couple of years ago). Needless to say they were underwhelmed, of course they had just come straight from a world wind 5 day Make A Wish Vacation to Disney World, Sea World and Universal. Orlando the animated capital of the world.

You Blue Berry Crunch Cake sounds too delicious. You'll have to share that recipe. And the reese's chocolate chip recipe is too easy!

Anyway back to the reason I dropped in so late....I just wanted to say thank you so much for your quick response to my call for prayer. I sure love you for your caring heart Sweetie. Big hugs...Tracy

Auntie Cake said...

Hi Maggie,
Just stopped in to give you a big cyber hug and tell you how much I missed ya. Hoping you are feeling better by now (when are you coming up for our visit?) and just checking out what you have been up to. Love your sweet little ghosts. Adorable!
Have a great week, I know it will be wonderful for you!
Kate
PS- if it makes you feel any better, everything I have been up to has flopped also. We're in the same boat!

Melanie said...

Dear sweet Maggie,

I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't go exactly as expected! Wish I could HUG you!!!!! We all have times like that, but don't let it get you down, sweet friend! Love & Hugs to you!

Blessings!
Melanie

myletterstoemily said...

oh, aren't we moms such a mess? i have the same
super high expectations, too. or i wind myself up
into an emotional 'top.' i can't count the times i
have been laughing with all our kids, and the next
minute crying.

basket case here.

i loved this post, because it just rang so true!

Karen said...

I know how it is to look forward to something and then be a little disappointed afterwards. I hope you are feeling better now, and are having a better day!

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Thanks to all of you I am better. Hate to feel down in the dumps over my children. Not a good feeling but once again you made me look at it in a whole different light and I am so much better.
Love you
Maggie

One Heart said...

Oh Maggie, no it isn't silly getting excited about doing things for those you love. I do it all the time and then watch as some don't notice and at times even my own flesh and blood returns it with a verbal wound that attempts to destroy every fiber in me. It is then that I remind myself that I must gather the strength to continue doing it not as on to people, but as on to God, and then He can use it as He pleases for His glory.

I have also learned to do it for myself. I mean, I enjoy the details that go into homemaking and decorating, etc. So, it ministers to me too.

Expectations are such a trap. Ugghh...if we could only turn off our emotions. Impossible.

I also stopped by to let you know I prayed for Gary today. I am still amazed at how God brings names and people to my mind for prayer when I least expect it. Blessings your way!