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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Ms. Pearl On Drugs!

She's not as ugly as I thought!
Uglier than Fido’s ass skinned over a fence post is what I used to say about her!
In the last few weeks I have experimented with every pain pill legally marketed in the US and needless to say it has opened up every imaginable or unimaginable brain activity in my pea brain. What else is there to do while lying in bed flat on your back looking at the ceiling? Sometimes I am awake when these thoughts come to mind but the most bizarre come to me when I am sleeping. At least I think they do!

Now you ask why would I think of the saying Uglier than Fido’s ass skinned over a fence post. Well you guessed it I was thinking about ugly Sally (the sk---k) who ran off with my husband. Jeezzzz why would I think of her! I guess the drugs maybe, I don’t know I would like to blame it on them. Maybe because she and I have birthdays one day apart  in May and their anniversary was May 10th …. Who knows? Anyway on the 10th, Christi had gone to town to run some errands and I sneaked over to the computer. Or should I say Ms. Pearl sneaked over to the computer and decided she was going to wish them a Happy Anniversary!

About two months ago I had found this picture of her on Face book and was actually surprised because the few times I had talked to her I got the impression she was not smart enough to use a computer. No seriously I am not joking.
Christi tore this house up looking for the picture of her that I took when I first met her and when I stepped back and said Whoa! I wanted you to see what a big difference in that pixture and this one. Where in the heck is that picture? My girlfriend Max in Houston has the orginals but she is in Colorado at her cabin and want be back until June 13th so I can't use her to send me the pictures.

But the thing that surprised me even more was her picture she had displayed for the world to see of herself. She was not near as ugly as I remember her or the picture I have of her before this. How could that be possible? When I first met her, she looked like she had been rode hard and put up wet. Also the picture I have of her is her chin stuck out just like a witches does. I mean real far out and pointed. Also her cheek bones were sunken in like she had false teeth or no teeth.  Did she have a face lift or what? Needless to say yes that bothered me her not being as ugly as I remember her because the one satisfaction of her being with my ex was she was very ugly and he deserved ugly.

Once again I drifted off my story. Ms Pearl wanted to wish them a Happy Anniversary so she sent her a message on her Face book account. It has been several pain pills away so not sure exactly what I wrote to her. I think the opening sentence was something like Hey Beautiful just wanted to wish you and Handsome a Happy Anniversary! No I am joking. I do remember saying something about how could she look at herself in a mirror every day! Also I said something about her sitting over there on her big butt all day watching soap operas and doing nothing while I worked two full time jobs. Stupid right but Ms Pearl will get going sometimes and does not know when to stop. What really angered Ms. Pearl was the comment section was not very big so she was very limited on how long she could type what she wanted to say? Like the person she was writing she was not smart enough to hit send and start over on another comment. Hahahaha

Actually Ms. Pearl was smart enough to block her from responding back to her on face book. I kind of hate I did that though it might have been an interesting read. Of course when I confessed to Christi about what I did she said, “OH no Momma their going to kick you off face book!” Like I am worried about that, I don’t even know how to navigate around face book and yet I was surprised the dummy did….talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

I still can’t figure out what the woman did to herself to take a good picture. I need to know because I can not take a good picture.

Also while lying in bed looking at the ceiling swallowing one pill after another I started adding to the list of 100 ways to torture the ex. I know crazy right but I think Donna from Brynwood Needlework’s put it in my head with her comment. Got to blame someone right?

Anyway this is bizarre so I might have been dreaming it but I had tied a come along rope thing around the ex’s brain (well what he uses for a brain now) and then tied it to a trailer hitch on the back of his truck. Then I made Sally drive off….I know is that not crazy…. It has to be all the pain killers their giving me. You know I would never think of anything like that on my own.

Now you’re wondering what the other bizarre ways I have tortured him in my mind. Well that’s for another post.

This post has taken me several days to write because I can not sit up very long and as you all know Christi has limited my use on the computer. But she is going back to Austin on Sunday and my son will be taking care of me and maybe he will not be as strict. Of course if he reads this he will take away my pain meds and computer usage. Thank goodness he does not read my blog. I hope not but maybe the DL does. haha

After today there may be no one reading my blog…lol…sorry you know how I share everything that Ms. Pearl does with you.

The Sheriff’s secretary Ms. Peggy knows all about Ms. Pearl so she has been fighting with workman’s comp everyday trying to get me some help. She did manage to get a Neurosurgeon to see me last Friday and he told me I have two broken vertebrae’s and he did not think a back brace would work for me and he did not want to do surgery so back to bed for another 4 weeks.  If I am up more than 15 minutes I get sick...I am guessing from the pain...who knows.

OMG can you imagine me lying in bed another 4 weeks. No telling how many wild thoughts will come to Ms. Pearl’s pea brain

Can not tell you how much I appreciate your get well wishes and sweet comments. Also Christi if by chance you get on here I wanted to thank you for giving up all your time to stay with me and to wait on me hand and foot. She talked to a sweet friend of hers yesterday Andrea Berry who I totally love and admire and while they were talking Andrea confessed to Christi that she had went to a new theatre that is supposed to be awesome even for Austin,Tx while she was here with me. It seems that they had made plans to go the first time together but I guess Andrea could not wait and so I heard Christi tell her I am thru with you…hahaha …of course she was just kidding but I do realize Christi has given up a lot of things to be here with me so thank you baby for everything.

Hope all of you are doing well and please remember this post was written by a woman on pain killers called Ms. Pearl.
Love to all
PS: If that picture of her shows up I will post it. Night and day difference.


someplace in thyme said...

Oh I think Ms. Pearl is a hoot and thanks for the laughs. That post is way too funny. I hope you are feeling a wee bit better by now. So sorry to hear about the back, ouch, Char

Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

can't wait to see the photo of "the other woman" have your sense of humor even in a drugged induced state..;) send some my way..;) take care and tell Christi thank you for taking such good care of you.:)

Always Nesting said...

I just knew this post would be wild and it is...just like Mrs. Pearl. Maggie, I wonder if we all just say what we are thinking when on pain pills, no different than what alcohol does to us. Not that I know anything about that, of course!

I think "THE OTHER WOMAN" is a (fill in the blank) and should be (fill in the blank) while being pulled naked behind a pickup truck (Texas sized) You see, I have a big imagination and I'm not even on drugs and I haven't even poured a glass of wine this evening :)

Hope you are feeling better soon!!!

Cherrie said...

The girl that my husband left me for is butt ugly too!

The White Farmhouse said...

Oh I really like Ms Pearl! She is a woman after my own heart. I have to say that I don't think I would be as civilized as you though. I could think of all kind of things. Some I have tried out. I had an ex once that bet the crap out of me for coming home early. Sent me to the ER. When I got home from the ER I found him and a girl from our apartment complex asleep in my bed. Pulled the comforter over his head and whacked him a couple times with a frying pan. Felt good though!

I do hope that you will be feeling better really soon. You must have done something right raising wonderful kids that come to your side when you need them. Proof that you are a terrific lady!

Linda said...

Hang in there, girlfriend, and get well quickly!

Garden of Egan said...

You are killin' me Ms Pearl! I love you. Will you have my babies????? I wish you could put your words into my mouth and spout them off to the idiots that come into the ER.

I'm thinkin' that that woman ain't that cute, in fact ugly sorta fits.

I love ya and hope your are taking care of you. Be careful with the meds, they can do some weird stuff and you don't want it for too long. A little for blogging purposes is fine though.

Hope things get solved soon. This Workmans comp stuff is a bunch of nonsense.

Julie Harward said...

Oh my...I guess I got confused because I thought you were showing us her ugly picture! This woman is no prize...I'd hate to see the ugly picture! Now Maggie, those pain pills can be awful, only use what you have to. I threw all of mine away after 3 days because they made me so I couldn't sleep and made me sick so I couldn't eat! Take it easy and don't waste your mind and peace by thinking about truly ugly people! Come say hi :D

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh Ms. Pearl...she cracks me up as much as your do. You know......I really do believe there "is better living through chemistry." (O:(O:

I don't know where in Texas you are, but I would of loved to have met
such a beautiful, creative and talented woman; perhaps next-time. I know we will be back. Take care of yourself...thank goodness no surgery.



Kim said...

OMG Maggie! You are sooooo baaaaddddd! I love it. You are a sweetie and the Ex is a shmuck!

Jan @ bobbypins boardwalk said...

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))). I am so sorry that you were betrayed by a stupid husband and an ugly woman! I'm also sorry that you are in such pain. Keep us posted on your progress the next time you can sneak over to your computer!

Shelly said...

Well Mags, First of all, WHEN you get a chance to read this, I gotta tell you that YES,,,Ruffles are in,,,,,but the Ex's GF is wearing a blouse style that I wore about 6 years ago....I kid you NOT! I had almost the identical blouse in a Dusty Pink......So "That is SO Yesterday!"

And speaking of dreams,,,,I had a weird dream about YOU and I the other night,,,,we were in some ONLINE Game action and I saw your name pop up with another players (apparently there were 3 of us in the game/contest-and don't even try and analyze what that was about unless it was Lulu,,,,but I didn't recognize the third player......)

And I'm asking,,,Maggie? What are you doing playing games online, your supposed to be in bed!!! What the???

Oh may and You or Miss Pearl cracked me up with your "Rode Hard and Put away Wet" analogy,,,,,I use that often,,,and I'm a "Northerner!" Accck!

Love you so and I'm missing YOU and Lulu,,,Blogging just isn't the same without the two of you in my life!!!

Big hugs and Love you to pieces! You'd best get better soon missy and THEN,,,,I'm taking you Online shopping and we're going to get the cutest Lingerie that money can buy!!


Andrea said...

Ms. Pearl better be careful or she is going to end up on the wrong side of lock up...hahaha! Love you, girl...but seriously....try not to get in trouble while you are confined to the bed. By the way...I laughed and laughed through your post. Ms. Pearl and I would get a long reallll well.

I have an urgent prayer request at arise 2 write.

Hugs and lots of prayers, andrea

~ Regan said...

Hope everything goes well for you and the worker's comp mess- that can be so difficult to sort through!!

Hope you are also feeling better soon. 4 more weeks in bed to get well is a lot shorter than a lifetime of hurting because you didn't follow the dr's advice-- I know you can do it! :) Just stay positive! xoxo

NitWit1 said...

I am going to file this away for future torture if my husband takes off with another husband. It is always possible with men, even in their 70s.

Auntie Cake said...

Okay, remind me not to get Ms Pearl mad at me! I don't think I could take it because I don't take good pics either!

I miss you too. I was hoping you were getting to feeling better, but doesn't sound that way. Make sure you take it easy so you don't make it worse. Nothing exciting happening here, just weeding out my gardens, and helping Lib to get ready for a birthday party for Annie. It's a little over a month away, but already so much to do.

Thinking about you, and I combed all through facebook, you weren't kicked off yet!

SharDon Exclusives said...

Maggie, sweet Maggie, you are hysterical! I love Ms. Pearl and I have got to meet the both of you sometime soon. Honey, I have been right where you are now...flat on my back with a pain in my a.... No kiddin' I have an ex and a bad back and got rid of both about the same funny is that? While you are looking at the ceiling give me a call anytime after 11:00am Eastern and 1:00am/ I will email you my phone number...wish you felt better but the pain pills are making for some great ya'

Sares said...

Oh MAN. Ms. Pearl really reared her naughty head! I would love to see the before picture too, but don't you go looking for it, I don't want you getting sick. Keep your fabulous sense of humor!

Sue said...

Feel better, Maggie! And have Ms. Pearl take a powder before she REALLY gets you in trouble!!


Dan said...


Ms. Pearl on pain pills is a dangerous yet entertaining event! I hope you get better really soon! I think of you a lot!


Lisalulu said...

I can't believe that they still don't have answers for you!!! guess the drugs aren't all bad eh? at least they help with the pain. I'd like to be off work BUT not in your position (you know confined to bed) AND REMEMBER... What Goes Around Comes Around... (that's how I got thru nasty divorce..) Hey the kids know what happened and that's what matters... He'll get his!!! Please take care! and GIANT KUDOS go out to Christi!!!!! hope my girls are as kind when I collapse!

Arkansas Patti said...

When I read Donna's comment the other day I thought OMG. Agony, pain killers, anger and Ms Pearl are a scary combination. You didn't disappoint.
I hate that you are facing 4 more weeks of this. You really did it up brown this time.
The best news I got from this is "no surgery".
Do take care lady and mind your jailer kids. They are in charge.

bunny said...

Oh Maggie...I wished I live near by so I could come and pick you up and do all sorts of things, paper her house, key her car and share Sounds like your trying to keep busy as you can on your back...with no fun...wink~ Take care and tell ms. pearl to be careful...she might get you in trouble..with the facebook police.


Ivanhoe said...

Oh no, Ms. Pearl has been naughty! Or is it the pills talking? :) Anyhow, get some rest, Maggie, you have to heal. It takes time.

Jane Jeffress Thomas said...

Maybe it is because this is a flat on picture and the other one is a side view. If I see this woman, I will kick her in the butt for you since you are laid up. :-)

The French Bear said...

Oh man it is a good thing we aren't closer because I am sure we could do some serious damage to certain someone's it is...I tell my kids to tell the ex his house is infested with bugs and I put a hex on it!!!! Oh dear and I don't have a Ms Pearl in me but I could!!!!
When I can stop laughing I will have to let my hubby read the post!!!!!
You are too funny!!! Drugs or not......although I do wish you had more answers. Take care!
Margaret B (TOM)

Shelly said...

You are SO Busted! LOL,,,Love your sweet comments, but love YOU more so forego the comments for a while and rest up! I want my "Maggie" Back healthy,,so you need to take care of yourself!!!

Love you to Pieces and Gentle Hugs,

Libbie said...

Oh Maggie you do crack me up!!! Where do you get all of your courage! I really admire that in you! I would just be a big ole chicken.

Anyway...If that is a good picture then you were right about her :)

You are so sweet to send something to ANnie... you really don't need to Maggie. You just worry about you ...& I'll worry about you too.

Say Hi to know I feel like I know her too!

Take care Maggie! Get better soon!

From the Kitchen said...

Photoshop? I love your post!!!! I hope you are pain(killer) free soon.


Karen Whittal said...

HI thanks for you kind words on my blog, reading your blog, today I kind of think that you probably know what I am going through, even though you know its right, divorce is never easy.... I think that all I can do is go into some quiet time with God, I am doing a inspirational talk on Sunday, not sure how inspirational it would be, if i cannot shake this cloud. Get well soon, God bless........ want to share those pain killers.

Kissed by an Angel said...

Ooops, good job you can blame the painkillers!!!!! You are so funny!!!
Please get well soon!!

bikim said...

Ohhh dear Maggie,
reading your post i 1st didn't know if i should feel sad or laugh!! serious! so sorry that such a person crossed your way! and the other hand, not so sorry she did!! otherwise i wouldn't have laugh laud and clear with your wonderful post and the way you described the whole thing and the "lady"!!!! i wouldn't have it done better! by the way, if that is not ugly, pleaseeeeee don't show the other pic!!! we'll surely drop dead!!! on the other hand do show it! a before/after with your wonderful sense of humour will be hillarious!
sorry that you still have pain!!! wish i could help in anyway!!! i'll light a candle for you, ok?!
blessings and take care!

yaya said...

I just had to laugh my head off reading this, but in between the lines I felt the pain and anger..I'm so sorry that you were betrayed and that you're in such pain. I wish I could send my Chiro hubby to help you! (strictly in the healing sense girlfriend!)..He's a miracle worker, I swear. In the mean time, hang in there and hopefully time will heal all wounds. I'm glad you have such loving kids to help you!

Brenda@Cozy Little House said...

Miss Pearl, you'd best listen to that dear daughter of yours and mind her. Or else she will ground you from all computer use. She is a sweetie, and we all thank her.

Obee Designs said...

Hello Maggie! (or should I say Ms. Pearl?)
I don't know who I am talking to these days!! Actually, I wanted to send my well wishes to you for a speedy recovery and I hope you are back to feeling like yourself again soon. Tell Ms pearl she's got to go... well for a little while at least. She is kinda funny to listen to!! LOL
No, seriously the facebook picture. Can we talk? If that is the after I'd like to see the before. Maybe she has just had the picture taken at the right angle, that's why she looks better. Anyway, beauty is skin deep, ugly is to the bone. Remember, no matter how much better you may think she looks these days, it is her actions and deeds that shines her real beauty, Right? Let it go and move on, Ms. Pearl. Don't even give her the satisfaction that she is even on your radar. Maggie, you're better than that right?
Well, Ms. Pearl and the meds, that's a different story! That always makes us laugh:)

Keep smiling and get better!

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Hi Maggs:
Well, damn! First, I have to go back and remind myself what I wrote to you. I hope I'm not ruining my "genteel" online persona (as if!).

I sorry to hear that the quacks haven't healed you yet! Gosh, the best they can come up with for broken vertebraes is BED REST? REALLY!???

I might just have to come to TX and kick some butt, Florida-style, girlfriend.

Hugs to you and Christi...

Janera said...

Well, you know how much I love Ms. Pearl -- she could be best friends with my own sidekick, Josephine.

So sorry about your pain. With back issues myself, I can relate. Good luck! I hope you find just the right doctor with just the right answers for you.