Be A Survivor!

Several of you have written asking me to share more of my experiences of when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  Regrettably most of us at one time or another has been given the frightening news from a doctor either about ourselves or our loved ones that will change our lives forever.

The moment you hear those words it’s like you’re in a dazed state. You hear the doctor talking but yet your mind doesn’t let you grasp what he is saying. Shocked, bewildered and overwhelmed your thinking this isn’t happening it must be a mistake.

I know this was how I felt when I heard the words you have Breast Cancer. It came as such a surprise to me because I was not ill. All kinds of thoughts run through your head your thinking if I have cancer wouldn’t I know it? Wouldn’t I be feeling sick? 

Most often a lot of cancers or illnesses are found accidentally through testing for entirely something all together unrelated to what you are diagnosed with. As for me I kept having acid reflux and while doing test for this my doctor went ahead and ordered other test. By doing so he saved my life.

Along with other test he ordered a mammogram which showed I had a small knot in my left breast. This lead to a needle biopsy which confirmed I had cancer.

I remember being surrounded by several nurses and doctors in a large room with my husband by my side when they gave me the results of the biopsy.  It was a Friday late afternoon and we were told to go home and return Monday to see a surgeon and an oncologist.

You will always remember moments like this one. I remember my husband saying something like I hate this for you. To me then I was hurt thinking thats all he has to say but now I know after having experienced other moments of bad news given to me about my mother, siblings and children I too failed at what to say to them. Try to remember the ones that love you the most are hurting too and they may not know how to express to you what their feeling. It's not that they don't love you with all their hearts they just don't know what to say except I Love You.

Keep them updated on how your feeling. It's hard on them too so don't shut them out.

That next day after being told of my cancer I went to our public library and I checked out every book I could find about Breast Cancer.  I felt guilty checking all of them out thinking someone else might need them but I told myself I would return them on Monday. I just knew that I had to read everything I could about what I was diagnosed with before seeing a surgeon on Monday.

I wanted to be prepared with a list of questions for them. If I can give any advice to any of you it would be to do your homework. Research, talk to others and when you meet with different doctors have a list of questions you want answered. No question is a dumb question.

One thing I found in my research was that a lot of men and women upon finding out they had breast cancer they immediately opted to have their breast removed. I had lived through this with my Dad. Unbelievable as this may sound he and I both were diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the same age of 45.  I remember the doctors at MD Anderson not giving my daddy any options but radical mastectomy. I knew after twenty something years later there had to be more and better options for dealing with Breast Cancer than a mastectomy.  So I did the research.

I challenged the surgeons and made them be totally honest with me about my chances of survival with or without a mastectomy. The reason for me challenging the doctors was in my research I had found that a lot of people who have Breast Cancer their chances were the same if they chose not to have a mastectomy. Please know that if the doctors had told me No your chances are not the same then yes of course I would have had a mastectomy but I chose not to go through this radical surgery when they were honest with me and told me Yes your right. Your chances are the same. I was lucky they had found it in time. This gave me another option of having a Lumpectomy.

Hearing this is when I made the crucial decision to go for the lumpectomy. I was then told that I would have surgery of the removal of the knot and some tissues surrounging it plus removal of all my lymph nodes under that arm. After this healed I would be given eight or more weeks of radiation. I received good news about no cancer in my lymph nodes and so then the doctors discussed should I have Chemo too. It was decided later that instead of Chemo I was given the drug Tamoxifen for the next five years. 

I have to say that you have to do what is best for you when given the news of cancer or some other illness. Please don’t think I am trying to tell you to not listen to your doctors. I would never tell you that I am just saying do your homework. Ask questions and lots of them so you can make the best decision along with your doctor. The more informed you are of what you have the better chance you have of fighting it.

I also have learned from research that when dealing with Breast Cancer you should have at least Radiation or Chemo. Most often you will be given both but do question the doctor who tells you because you had surgery you don't need either one. It's your life so if you don't feel good at what their telling you then don't hesitate to get another doctors advice.

Ask if your surgeon and your cancer doctor are on the same page with your care. One may choose one option and the other chooses another so make sure this is not the case.

Another piece of advice I want to give you is attitude is everything in beating cancer or anything. YOU have to tell yourself and mean it that you’re going to beat this disease. I remember lying in bed at night picturing the radiation attacking all the bad cells in my body. It was like picturing the game Pac Man. Sounds silly but it was my way of thinking I was doing something to protect myself. Hey you do what you gotta do to get well.

I also had read that laughter was your best medicine. I know your thinking who wants to laugh when you feel like crying. It really does work. Laughter can be the best medicine out there and its fun to take. I rented funny movies. My husband and I went to funny movies. When the kids came home from college to visit we really had happy moments. I don’t mean you have to walk around laughing the whole time of course that is asking too much but be around positive people. Think only positive thoughts. Every day I wrote on my calendar or journal God Help Me to Remember There Is Nothing That You and I Can’t Handle Together.

Surround yourself with people you love and the things you love. Pretty flowers, music, friends, family and chocolate. My children and friends phoned me all the time. They came to see me. I knew I was loved.
I have to add here that we of course are all different. You may not want to talk about it or you may just want to be alone. Whatever is best for you is what you should do. Only you know and you may have to let others know that is what your feeling. Not all of us are like me who lets it all out.

One of my favorite things to do when going through treatments was on some weekends we would grab a quilt take a picnic basket and sit out on the grounds of Festival Hill during their evening concerts. We were surrounded by gorgeous plants and flowers that thrived on these beautiful grounds. Music played by gifted artist flowed out the concert hall windows and doors to us while we were enjoying mother nature.

Festival Hill is such a beautiful place that sometimes even today I slip off by myself and just meditate while surrounded by God's overflow of beauty in nature. I remember telling my husband someday I will come back to this place and give back to it. So now I volunteer for some of the concerts or I stuff envelopes for their many thousand letters and cards they send out periodically.

Also I kept a journal. Every day even if it only for ten minutes you need to write your feelings down. Get the all the negative thoughts out of you and on paper. At this time of your life I can not stress it more than anything you need to think nothing but good positive healing thoughts. Hard yes but you can do it.  

I am not saying going through an illness of any kind is easy. It's not! You will shed tears and lots of them. That's ok we are all human. We can't help but be scared and cry but don't let it take you over. You take over and you tell yourself your going to beat this and then you do it. No other option is out there.

My main reason for starting my blog was just to journal. I don’t remember which doctor told me to keep a journal but I do remember he told me that a journal was the healthiest thing a person can do for themselves. You know how I write everything on here. Somedays I am drowning in self pity, other days I am crawling through the second floor window with my big dooper hanging out with the cowboy driving by. Most days I am asking you for prayers for myself and family. I am putting my thoughts down and journaling.

Another thing that helped me was I worked through the whole eight weeks of radiation. The only time I took off was a few weeks for my surgery and the last few days of radiation treatments when my Warden sent me home.  Not everyone can do this and you have to know what your limits are for you. At that time in my life I needed to be surrounded by my crazy co-workers. My children were away at college and my husband even though I knew he loved me it just wasn’t enough. I felt like I had to stay busy. Not be at home every day where I might lay around and feel sorry for myself. You have to once again choose what is right for you.

Most of all talk to God and ask him to help you through this difficult time and to keep you strong. He loves you and is there for you night and day. Prayers work! As you well know I believe in the power of prayers. 

I hope this has helped you and I am a survivor now for almost nineteen years. You will be too. 

Just be gentle with yourself. Let others help you. Remember God Loves You and I do too. I am just a phone call or email away.

Like Warden Roy said, “Stand up tall and Hold your Head Up.”

Love to all

Maggie