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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What Would You Have Done?

What’s going on in your world today? Is this not the hottest summer ever? Days like today make me wish I still lived on the beach and could just go jump into the waves. The way my luck has been running though I would probably meet up with a jelly fish or Mr. Undertow himself might be lurking waiting on me.

Today is supposed to be my last day of pool therapy but since I called in sick last week they might make me make those days up. I am hoping not because seeing me in a bathing suit is like watching a rerun of  Lucy and Ethel and I am Ethel. Anyway you get the picture. I will spare you the visual tour this morning.

My question for you today is what would you have done in this situation? When I first arrived for my pool therapy yesterday the young instructors of course made little comments for all to hear about me skipping last week. I had nothing to hide so I just told the truth that I had been sick for over a week and was not sure if what I had was catching so I did not want to get in the pool with everyone and spread my germs. They seemed appreciative of that and we did our hour of exercise. Upon leaving the pool an elderly lady (well older than me) stepped in front of me to climb the steps out of the pool. I thought nothing of it because I would of let her go in front of me anyway. Well Lord help us all she takes a step up on the first step and lets out the loudest fart this side of Houston. Then before I could hold my breath she does another on the next step. Good gosh I honestly did not know what to do because I was thinking everyone probably thought it was me because I was the one talking about being sick. Then before I knew it she was popping out farts like a bag of popcorn. Now besides being terribly embarrassed for her I was about ready to pass out from the smell. I just stopped on the second step and froze for a minute not wanting to turn and look at the others.

After all the popping stopped I guess it was over with because then she walked over to her towel and left the room. She never once stopped and took credit for what she was doing. Haha If only Scarlet would have turned to me and said, “Excuse me or something!” but no not a word. I still don’t know if the others in the pool knew it was not me or not. So now in a few hours I have to return to the scene of the crime.

As you can see I have no life now. I am writing post about elderly women forting while leaving the pool. I know what your thinking jeezzzz Mags what has happened to you.

Now that’s a question for another post. I am going stir crazy so I should enjoy my trips to the pool even though every time I walk in the room I think I am an extra in the movie Cocoon.

Ok has every one entered the CSN giveaway on my previous post? You know seventy dollars will get you something nice at their stores. I only wish I could enter it. Haha

Well guess I should get off here and get my big butt in that small bathing suit. I swear that thing has shrunk in just this short time.

No word from the Sheriff about me coming back part time so I guess it will be after my pain management sessions which are what they have me scheduled for after the pool therapy. Who knows anything about pain management and what all is involved with that?  Also could use some advice about workmans comp just email me if you have any. lol

Yesterday at the post office the Post Master of our tiny little post office told me her husband was thrown off his horse two days ago and broke 6 of his vertebras and here I was crying over two. I told her honey you had better be patient with that poor guy because I know it will be a long road for him before recovery. They told him the very same thing nothing can be done for you but lots of bed rest. Poor guy!

Okay I promise I will get a life and start writing again
Love to all

Here is a great smoothie that I like!

Berry Pineapple Smoothie

•1 can (20 oz.) DOLE® Crushed Pineapple, (undrained)
•1 cup vanilla nonfat yogurt
•1 medium, ripe DOLE Banana, quartered
•1 cup DOLE Pineapple Juice
•1/2 cup DOLE Fresh Frozen Strawberries or


•1/2 cup ice cubes

Combine crushed pineapple, yogurt, banana, pineapple juice, strawberries and ice cubes in blender or food processor container. Cover; blend until smooth. Garnish with strawberry and banana slice, if desired.


Garden of Egan said...

Hmmmmm....what would I have done?
Heck! I woulda dropped back into the pool and let her take the credit.

I'm sure that everyone there is for sure thinking it's you~!
Does the farter have no pride?
I know my boys would have totally taken credit for it.

Kim said...

Ok first, throw a little rum in the smoothies. Maybe after that the Granny farts won't seem so bad....or at least your hysterical tipsy giggling will distract people. Maggie --- how did you not lose it? I would probably have drowned from laughing!

Rebecca said...

I have dove straight in the pool and pretended not to hear!

hahah How's that for avoidant behavior?


My Grama's Soul said...

Hello sweet friend.....once again you have me doubled over in hysterics!!

I don't know girlfriend......I would of probably blurted out something like "good...grief.....take it to an out-house" or something along that line. Sometimes I really put my foot in it and that little episode probably would of been one of those times.

Keep on swimming so you can get stronger and get well.....just try to avoid the FART QUEEN!!



Linda said...

Aw, you can't look too bad in a suit. As for the old lady farting, that just happens. I know, but don't ask me how I know! LOL!

Get that therapy, and get well. Sickness doesn't become anyone.

LuLu Kellogg said...

Oooooooo, I am shocked that Ms. Pearl didn't speak up at the pool *giggle*

Knowing me, I would have laughed until I was crying. You see, it doesn't take much to entertain me. Pinkie swear.


Mumsy said...

What would I have done. Well, lets see...If I didn't pass out and fall in the pool from the smell I probably would have frozen in my tracks until the air cleared. If I was in one of my 'say it and think later' moods I may have said something like "Excuse you".

After the stinky encounter if it were me I would move to the other side of the pool and keep distance between that windy lady and myself.

Reminds me what my hubby did to me once. We were in line at the grocery store to get checked out when hubby all of a sudden got out of the line. The second he moved I smelled this terrible odor, didn't take me long to figure out what it was. When we got to the car did I ever let him have it. He said "I moved away so everyone wouldn't smell it." I told him no, what he did was move and leave the scent behind to make everyone think it was me." He laughed and I have NEVER let him forget what he did to me, he still laughs about it.

I come here sometimes and listen to the great music you have on your page. When I come to read a new post I linger awhile and enjoy it too.

Keep healing and getting well sweet Maggie. Loved hearing from you. Hugs

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

Ha, ha! I am rolling here, Maggie! You can't even say anything about it now, you know, because people will think you did do it and are looking to cover it up {as in me think she doth protest too much} or blame that "poor old lady" so long after the fact. However, you can take consolation in the fact that I think most people know that farts aren't contagious so I don't think they will think it was you.

Gerry said...

Maggie, you are a hoot ! !
About vertebra
Hubby has had three or four compression fractures of his vertebra. From one end of the spine to the other.
His doctor performed vertebroplasty to correct the situation.
The outpatient procedure involves injecting epoxy into the vertebra and filling the cavities which in turn makes the bone epoxy-filled. The injection is just that a needle inserted and then the epoxy injected.
After the first procedure [DH had 4 separate procedures to mend seven vertebra] there was immediate relief - relief from pain and he was able to stand up straight.

Anyway, this has been our experience with in this situation.

I'm so happy so see that your sense of humor has surfaced once again.

Love to ya,
Hugs & ♥♥♥s,

Sybil said...

OH Grandmayellowhair !! I love that title !! You make me laugh this so much just to say thank you,..just what I need at the moment. as for the farter I think I would have turned round towards the folks still in teh pool...held my nose and made a real "poo" face !! Hope all that theraphy is working well. Mary heard the other day that the hospital is arranging some hydrotheraphy for her to try to help her knee pain...
Much Love and keep smiling then you keep us all smiling x
Love Sybil xx

Becky said...

Oh the smoothie caught my eye and I forgot the question,LOL.Delish!lol,I think I would of kept on going.......passed the lady that was popping machine ha.

Sue said...

Glad you are continuing to improve! And your story about...shall we say..."passing wind" amuses me no end (pun intended.)



Lisalulu said...

you are SO funny, hope today went well, and since it was your last one you won't have to worry about it again. OK go manage you pain and don't let Ms. Pearl get the best of you. And you still can write a funny post.

sissie said...

Hi Maggie,
I am laughing myself silly. I would have started waving my arms and yelling..."you just farted in my face, and I'm not taking the blame!" LOL!

You are a hoot. I love it!


Leah the Orange said...

oh my! Maggie, THANK YOU for sharing the smoothie recipe with us - i'm going to pass that one along to my hubbin as he's the blender-master in this house!

as for the ol' farter... goodness me i'd have had a HARD time not turning to the others and making a giant grimace, so they knew you were suffering behind that old bitty! :) hope you and your postmaster's husband heal well! xo

Susan said...

After the first big, loud one, you should have screamed, thrown yourself backwards into the pool and floated, pretending to have been asphixiated. Poor old lady. She was probably so embarassed! Either that, or she does it so often that she doesn't even notice it any more. And she could be deaf!
You ALWAYS make me laugh.

Beth at Aunties said...

LOL... What a smile you brought! I know I wouldn't have been as polite as you and would have pretended I was doing a bottom step exercise and then walked back into the pool.
Susan's comment was funny...

Oh my heck, You hit it right on the nose when you said you felt like an extra in the movie Cocoon. That is exactly how I have felt going to pool therapy following my back surgery.

I too I broke my 2 vertebraes and have had a 3 level fusion with bone grafts from my hips, which has not fused yet... Now 30 pounds later, my suit had definitely shrunk!

Thanks for the laugh and I hope your pain gets less and less~♥

Cherie said...

Oh MY that just gave me my belly laugh for the day. How embarrassing for both her and you - I can see your predicament!! ha Ha
You came to visit my blog awhile ago and I was having surgery and recovering and on narcotics - and probably farting for all I know! Giggle
Anyway, I just wanted to come over and say "Hi" and thanks for visiting my blog.
I am YOUR newest follower!
Hope you continue to feel better :-D

yaya said...

What a day you had! That lady was probably trying to get out of the pool as fast as she could and didn't look back because she was so embarrassed! Maybe she followed my Dad's rule: "Better to let it out and bare the shame, than hold it in and bare the pain!"

Debby said...

Your "life" is coming back.....I can tell by the post. Oh my that tooter rooter would have had me laughing. Once, I would have pretended not to have heard.....but when it continued I would have not been able to control myself. It's a wonder she was able to. Imagine the bubbles she would have made if she was in the pool. Keep on improving.

Home and Heart said...

I am laughing SO hard!!!!!! Poor you!! I would have stepped back down, lowered my head, place index finger under my nose, and grinned at the other swimmers!! I feel the SAME way about a swimsuit, BTW!!! Thank you for the chuckle! I am glad you didn't pass out and hit your noggin'!

Jane Jeffress Thomas said...

I needed that laugh more than you will ever know. Mrs. Pearl would have had to say something like, "Good grief" or "I can't believe my ears" Makes me think of a commercial I saw years ago with a lot of little Oriental boys in a pool. Apparently one of them cut a "silent, but deadly" and all of a sudden all of the other little boys started moving away leaving him by himself. Kind of sad if you think of it now, but at the time it was hilarious. Maybe that lady is deaf as a doornail and can't smell either. I think I would have just let go of the handle and fallen back into the water. You are so funny.

Stephanie ~ Angelic Accents said...

OMGosh! I'm giggling like crazy! I would have just had to fan myself and ask her (loudly) WHAT she ate before coming to class. I know, that isn't very nice of me, but still.....

Glad you are getting your groove back! :0)

Big TX Hugs,
Angelic Accents

Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

oh my gosh did you give me a giggle...I don't know what I would have done..but thanks for the laugh and the great recipe...I can't wait to try it.;) take care girlfriend.:)

Andrea said...

Girlfriend, you have got to be careful what you post here. You could injure people....I mean, honestly I was laughing soooooo hard I nearly fell and got hurt. Now do you really want all of us on bed rest with you, talking about old women who fart and fart alot?
I do not usually laugh easily. I have totally lost it.....I suppose you could say, "since you did not fall and get hurt the laughter session given was GOOD MEDICINE FOR YOU."
You are awesome!
Big hugs,

A Tale of Two Cities said...

Thank you for the laugh and for the smoothie recipe too. Sounds yummy! Hope you're back in full swing sooner than you expect. Recoveries require so much patience!


Cherrie said...

I want to know where you got that picture of me and my sisters?? We are of the big butt family!

Lynnette said...

My husband worked in law enforcement for 34 years here in California. The best advice I could give you about work related injuries is to make sure you have a great attorney who specializes in these cases. Hope you mend quickly, duck when you exit the pool (sorry...I couldn't help myself), and make sure that your interests are looked out for just like your employer will.
Take care,

Libbie said...

Oooo that smoothie sounds heavenly!

I would have been giggling like crazy! I surely would not have been able to hold it in :) I know...not the best manners but that would really be too much!

Thanks for checking in on my me & my Dad! He is doing so much better! We were scared when he came home because he couldn't even walk but he is doing so well & went from a walker to his cane & now he even uses nothing around the house...God is good!

Thanks for making me smeil again Maggie! I miss you a ton but I can't seem to make myself stop playing long enough to sit at the Mineesota...summer is very short. :) Love ya!! Lib

Arkansas Patti said...

Didn't see that coming and per usual you are a hoot. The Queen of England has someone who is constantly by her side and if the Queen has an indescretion, the aid says "Excuse me" and takes the blame.
Think I would have said-"Good Grief, did I do that?" to take the heat off the poor old lady-who by the way is probably my age or younger-- and may or may not return to class due the embarassment. Pearl can take the heat.
Thanks for the delightful laugh.

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NitWit1 said...

Well, I am not know for tact: I would have looked around and said, "who is shooting fireworks in August?" [It's against the law here except New Years and July 4th]


Nezzy said...

Heeehehehe! What's a girl to do??? My sweet mama now does this...walkin' across the parkin' lot...restaurants...standin' up and sittin' down during the most embarrassing times. My niece calls them 'Grandma Farts', (forgive me Lord..I don't use the 'F' word) Heeehehehe! I would just let the whole indecent incident PASS. LOL...sorry I just couldn't help myself! :o)

God bless ya girl.

Nezzy said...

Baby, it's 101 right now. We are in our third week of air temps of 100-105. Dang, it ya throw in the hot-flashes and sweats along with the stinkin' shingles that'll make me one hot farm chick. Just sayin.........

Have a good one Hon! :o)

Andrea said...

Oh, my sweet friend, you should have NO worries! If you met me, you would probably be shocked. I am "way outside the box" and not what people often think initially. I am crazy and do NOT fit the mold....actually, if anything I do not fit into most Christian molds! I can even be offensive to some Christians b/c I am "just me!"
I am privileged to know you and be "your" friend!

Stacey said...

Oh dear! Maybe she was jumping in front of you at the ladder because there was trouble brewing. :) You were sweet not to point and laugh...I would have been so embarassed I'm sure I would have laughed.

Hope you are getting better by the day.

Shelly said...

Now Maggie Dear,

You KNOW I am NOT a Southern Belle....BUT I have my manners and subtleness in some respects, in spite of that!

True confessions? Yesterday I was shopping for craft supplies/fabrics,,,,,and actually bought a few clothes and Macy's! In Route, I stopped at "Big Lots." Don't know if they have 'em down South or not,,,but basically a company that busy stuff that other stores didn't,,,and sometimes you find some great stuff!

So,,In Big Lots? I was getting thirsty and they have an isle of discounted beverages and I grabbed a bottle of Peach flavored Iced Tea. ...
Well, at a traffic light on the way to my next stop I read the label...."more antioxidants than....Green tea.....pomegranate,,,,,etc, etc."
Do you KNOW what some of those antioxidants can DO??? Well,,,my dogs do now. Let's just say that there were several Large "Barking Spiders" in my bedroom last night!

Although I'm SURE I'm much "purer" than I was yesterday!

And don't even get me started on what "transpired" while taking Yoga classes a couple of years ago before I blew out my knee! I ALMOST broke something internally during a couple of Cool down sessions.....apparently we let more than STRESS go in these workouts!!

Love you missy,,more than I can say! I've been tardy posting again.....Too much going on! Let's chat soon!

Hugs and "Love you to Pieces!

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Maggie Sweetie...
I am sitting here laughing my fool head off. I almost fell out of this chair and I certainly don't need another problem. I have got to tell you sweetie, you are a bigger gal than me, because I would have hopped back into that pool so fast, and let her take her own farts right on up that ladder with her. Especially knowing that she didn't even apologize or anything. The nerve of some people.
Now that is just STINKING ROTTEN SMELLIE of her.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

When you go back to the pool, I would drop a few comments, at least the lady that farted at the last class isn't here today, I don't think I could take that 2 sessions in a row. Drop a little line like that sweetie.

Oh my gosh, I sure did love this post, and I sure am going to try a Berry Pineapple Smoothie tomorrow. I am writing down the recipe so when I pick up groceries I will be getting just what the dr. ordered.

I see the dr. on next Thursday for my leg. This one is going to be a rough one. Keep me in your prayers. I continue to pray for you sweetie. God is going to heal you and that darn sheriff is going to bring you back part time. I really don't think he wants us to unlease the Ms Pearls in each of us gals. We could really do some bodily harm to him.

Many hugs and much love sweet friend. Love, Sherry

Auntie Cake said...

Oh Maggie,
The situations you find yourself in! I probally would have started giggling, then wouldn't have been able to stop. And now I am wondering if she did that through the entire class... If you notice a ton of bubbles at the next class, you may want to move to the deep end...

Thanks for the smoothie recipe, never thought to add pineapple. Football, soccer and tennis start Monday for the kids, so I can never keep enough food in the house. I am going to have to try that one.

Thanks for your sweet email about my dad. He is getting better, but I am getting impatient to get him back to 100%. In the past he has been our "all time quarterback " for friendly pick-up football games, and even our broomball goalie. While it's a bit early to start playing broomball, it would be nice to have him out throwing the football again. He's so big he can block and throw at the same time!

Have a great weekend, I am missing you. I will get a post up sometime soon, I swear it. We are just trying to soak up every bit of summer here!

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Maggie,

You gave me a laugh today, sweet friend ~ oh so funny and just as well we can laugh about things like this.
Thanks for the smoothie recipe and I hope that you have a good weekend, and that you will be feeling well.

bj said...

You have the cutest sense of humor. I love your blog. O, and I am lovin' this music, too. Gotta have it on my blog...:))

As for giveaways...I just thought it would be much more fun to leave tons of comments...that's what it's all about...FUN!!
XO bj

Always Nesting said...

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie....LOL

Jenniflower said...

hahahaha oh your poat has me laughing something silly :) I think I would have popped back into the water as quick as I could hehe

I am a Christian South African lass, living in London, I hope you don't mind if I follow your blog? :)

Marydon said...

I think I laughed harder at this than the 2 jokes I sent you ... you keep me in stitches, sweetie.

G'morn, Sweet Maggie ~ I'd have done a LOUD 'PEEE-EEEEWWWWWWWWWW' fanning myself & said 'you shouldn't eat THAT STUFF again with a pointed finger at her ...

You have enough problems without asphyxiation!

I do hope you are doing somewhat better sweet lady ... just know that your humor 'heals all of us' every single day. You are so uplifting.

Have a lovely summer day ~
TTFN ~ Hugs of love, Marydon