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Friday, February 19, 2010

OLD LADY'S DAY IN COURT!

Vicki  (All My Yesterdays) sent me this joke a week ago and whats really funny she says in the email to me ....for some reason this joke reminded me of you Maggie!

Defense Attorney:


Will you please state your age?



Little Old Lady:

I am 94 years old..



Defense Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?



Little Old Lady:

There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,

when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.



Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?



Little Old Lady:

No, but he sure was friendly.



Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?



Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.



Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?



Little Old Lady:

No, I didn't stop him.



Defense Attorney:

Why not?



Little Old Lady:

It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.



Defense Attorney:

What happened next?



Little Old Lady:

He began to rub my breasts.



Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?



Little Old Lady:

No, I did not stop him.



Defense Attorney:

Why not?



Little Old Lady:

His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!



Defense Attorney:

What happened next?



Little Old Lady:

Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him

'Take me, young man. Take me now!'



Defense Attorney:

Did he take you?



Little Old Lady:

Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fools!' And that's when I shot him, the little  turd!!!!

Can you believe that anyone would read this and think of me.....hahahahahaha
Goodness gracious it does need to warm up so I can sit on my front porch swing more often YOU never know who might pay me a visit.

Hope you sweet ladies have a wonderful weekend. This is my weekend off and I so cherish them. Still no word from the test about Christi but your comments and prayers have really helped me get through these last few days. What would this ole lady do with out you all....I don't want to find out....
Sweet Dreams
Maggie

38 comments:

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Maggie Sweetie...
I am laughing and laughing and laughing. I almost fell out of my chair. This is just so darn cute.

I gotta tell you it is a little bit to cold for you to be sitting outside waiting for someone to come creeping up there on your porch, sweetie you will freeze like a popsicle, then when he comes by, he will think you are being snottie because your face is froze and you can't talk to him. He would walk off, and you couldn't grab him because you would be frozen solid. Sweetie, I suggest you wait until Spring comes and everything is a little less frozen. Take my advice, believe me it is best to wait. Even Ms Pearl couldn't help you in this case.

Have a beautiful evening sweetie. I love ya. Country hugs and so much love...Sherry

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Lordy, Girlfriend. I can't imagine why anyone would think of you over this joke! (not really!) I can see a Southern girl, sitting on her "verandaaaaa" with a mint julep, suffering "the vapors" - especially having been "fooled". I'd have shot him, too! lol
Thanks for the laugh.
xoxo
Donna

Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

Hey Maggie, i love that joke..i don't have anything for monday...there was one lady that said she wanted my doll and then just blew me off...i will be making stuff next week..and I will be sure to let you know for the following monday.enjoy your weekend off..I hope the weather is great..I sat outside today and enjoyed our almost 60 degrees..doesn't get any better then this for february...hows the cutie at work?...:)

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Maggie:
Yup, he's married. He's the one who purchased the beaded shawl from me to give to his wife. He is a good-lookin' dude and has a kind heart. I can see why you'd zero in on him.

Are ya lookin' for a guy, girlfriend? Tell me your requirements, and I'll keep my eyes peeled for you.
xoxo
Donna

Cynthia K. said...

Hi there! Well, he deserved being shot...

Anyway, have a beautiful weekend - and try to get some rest too!

I'll be praying for Christi's test result also...

Cynthia K. (Beauty and Blessings)

Sares said...

How funny is this! I think she probably just thought this fit your sense of humor. Not that you would actually ever shoot someone for that particular reason. Would you? LOL! Thanks for the giggle and I am still praying you hear good news about your daughter. My mom and sister both had this issue and it turned out to be cysts, nothing serious. I am hoping the same for your daughter!

Julie Harward said...

This is so dang funny...I can just picture it..thanks for sharing a real funny! Holding good thoughts for Christi...have a great weekend too..come say hi :D

Me....bunny said...

Nothing to do with age Maggie, it's just your type of humor involving handsome young man (check) gun toting woman (check)...well, you get my drift.
Regarding your daughter. She'll be just fine Maggie. As you know, 75% of lumps are just benign cysts.The odds are in her favor and we all are in her corner....

love ya,
bunny

jojo said...

darn April fools anyway! That was cute, the story reminded me of you but that picutre...not! I know how beautiful you are in and out and I know you shine. Rest well and enjoy your weekend. Praying for Christi.......jj

All My Yesterdays said...

Oh Maggie, how funny that you'd share this.... I love it! Only the blog name is really All My Yesterdays. rustingrose is just how to get to it...or something..That's ok, I think it will still take someone there??

Anyhoo, blessings to that sweet daughter and keep good thoughts...

love ya
~Vicki~

artangel said...

Lol thanks for the laugh Maggie- though I can't see why that story would remind anyone of you! ;)

I hadn't read your other post before today but I hope all is well for Christi - as Bunny says the odds are very much in her favour, though I know that can be difficult to focus on, whilst you're having to wait for news.

You'll both be in my thoughts.
Angie x

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

That's so funny! I'll have to build a big porch so I can sit out come spring! (Or do I have to wait til I'm 90?) Thanks for following me too!

Sissy said...

Great post Maggie. I love your site for I'm always assured to have at least one big laugh for that time. Love you , Lady. Hang in there and have faith that all will be fine. At times our worry can overwhelm us, can't it? I think I have spent the greaer portion of life worrying. Now come to find out, most of it was for naught and the parts that required it turned out well in the end. We just must always know that we are well buffered by the One above.

Jenny S said...

HAHAHA! Too funny! That is just my type of joke! Thank you for sharing!

Arkansas Patti said...

Funny joke but I do not recall giving you permission to use my picture. Please ask first next time. :)))

LuLu Kellogg said...

LOL, oh boy....I love it!

I hope you enjoy your weekend off sweetie!

LuLu♥

Kissed by an Angel said...

That was so funny!!! I can't see why it would remind anyone of you though!!! You certainly aren't that old or that wrinkled!!! And I KNOW you wouldn't allow that kind of behaviour (would you)!!!! Thank you for making me laugh!!!
xxxx

nanny said...

Great laugh to start my Saturday morning.....

Hope you have a great weekend off.....

Nanny

The Garden of Egan said...

That was stinkin' funny! It sorta does remind of you....except you wouldn't have shot the little turd. You'd have chased him and made him pay up!

Love it!

Nezzy said...

Heeeheehe! They must have ya'll mixed up with Pearl!

God bless and enjoy your Saturday my friend!!!

Nancy @ Live love laugh said...

Your posts are always good for a good, much needed laugh!!! Keep it up!
~Nancy

farmlady said...

I don't think it's funny. I would have shot him too.
Keep your humor girl...

PEA said...

Oh my goodness, I'm laughing so much, I have tears running down my cheeks!!! That was too funny! hehe That picture cracked me up too. lol Thank you so much for making me laugh today, you're the greatest and I love you to bits:-) xoxo

Brenda said...

That is too funny! Your blog is great!
Thanks for the laugh!

1 Funky Woman said...

That was way too funny! My husband had to come see what I was laughing about. I think he got a chuckle out of it!

I will keep your daughter in my prayers and hope for the best, it is in God's hands!

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Mimi Sue said...

Love her tiara. I have a porch swing. When it gets a little warmer that's where you'll find me. Mimi

Stephanie ~ Angelic Accents said...

That pic alone is hysterical!!!

Happy PS!

Hugs,
Stephanie
Angelic Accents

C said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
C said...

ahahaHAAAAAAAAA haHAAAAAAAAAA hahahaHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! Well, judging from the last post I read with the new hot half-naked guy you were drooling over at the school you're working at- hell yeah- i can imagine you- wahahaha- BUT-OH BUT- OF COURSE you have a better moisturizer than her! pff! ;D

Marydon Ford said...

G'morn, Maggie ~ Prayers are being lifted for your daughter, & you. I had this issue & was full of lumps but when all was said & done, it was massive cysts ... I pray she will have a good diagnosis.

Have a beautiful week.
Hugs, Marydon

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

I am laughing while I am typing this to all of you and actually I feel little tears at the edge of my eyes because of how hard you guys have me laughing. YOU ALL never let me down...your comments are priceless...My healthy breakfast is in the overn and I am on my way to visit my brothers new church in town that he has discovered and loves. While I am there know that all of you will be in my prayers because girlfriends you are almost as crazy as I am...hahaha No seriously I adore you.
Love
Maggie

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Hi Maggie!
You're such a sweetie! Yes, It's ok with me if you announce my big news here! Thanks for offering...and asking! My buttons are about bustin' these days!

I love reading your posts...and the comments your girlfriends leave are just as funny! You certainly have a wonderful circle of friends. I'm glad to be among them!

xoxo
Donna

Cozy Little House said...

That is hilarious! Love the photo!
Brenda

Deb said...

now that is just too funny...can see why she shot him....little punk

Kathy said...

Hi Maggie...Funny! That is quite a face!
Definately gives me something to look forward too!
Thanks for stopping by and entering my GINEAWAY...
Sooo glad to find your blog also...definately will follow too.
Stop over anytime... loved having you,
xoxo~Kathy @ Sweet Up-North Mornings...

sjmcdowell said...

Howdy Maggie!!

Please check you e-mail there is a note
for you!!

Wow, what a joke!! This is too funny it tickled
me...but I could never ummm think of You if I had heard of this one...you are so prim and proper....ALL the time girlfriend!!!
Wink..Wink...:D

Love ya...Susan in Georgia

Rick said...

Hey there Yellow! Thank you for your very nice comment on my blog. And I am doubly honored that a person with such a popular blog would choose to be a follower of mine. Thank you for that as well. Love the story - don't think your friend was trying to making a direct comparison - just my opinion. God bless and stay "tooned." P.S. Oh! And certainly I'd loved to be one of your "temptations." In a strictly blogging fashion, of course.

Charlene said...

Maggie you made me laugh with this one! I knew I needed to come visit you to laugh. I have been so down in the dumps since my sweet puppy girl passed last Thursday but, being with my blog buddies help & you ALWAYS make me laugh. I want you to know that as a breast cancer survivor myself, I WILL BE PRAYING THAT CRHISTI IS SPARED! We'll think positive thoughts. HUGS! Charlene