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Sunday, January 17, 2010


Ladies words don’t come easily telling you all how much this ole grandma has missed all of you. Now Just Between Me and You it has been one heck of a trial living without access to the internet.

Now let’s see where I start with catching up! I did promise to tell you some New Years stories from work but I am afraid I have slept a few times since then so I may not be able to tell them the way they should be told.
Being the New Years weekend we dealt with mostly drunks and drug users. The morning started early with two being arrested for possession of Controlled Substance. One was a female that was picked up with her boyfriend. They were from out of town and really messed up. The boyfriend lay down and only wanted to sleep but the girl……..oh such another story. Very seldom do we arrest someone dressed in evening clothes but it does happen. She had on a very lovely evening gown and I knew immediately this was not going to be good. First she had to turn over all her beautiful jewelry and take off the expensive heels only to exchange them for inmate shower shoes. The look on her face when I ask for her heels and gave her the sandals was priceless. Out of respect for her I tried to be as casual and nice about it as I could be but she refused to take her high heels off. I explained to her they were coming off one way or the other and she would not like the other. Finally she gave me the heels and then did not want to put the sandals on. I told her fine but these floors were not all that clean and was she sure about walking around barefoot. In the next hour I had to listen to how she came from a wealthy family from Alabama and it was a mistake for them to arrest her and in the long run her father would make sure we all would regret it. I kept shaking my head agreeing with her and at the same time Ms. Pearl was looking forward to putting her in a cell where we could no longer here her blabbering. After booking Ms Alabama in I put her with the other women and Ms Pearl laughed thinking about how the other women would handle this snob…. Ugly right …... When she was signing her release sheet she turns to me and says, “God what a life you live in such scum, I guess you deserve it!” I then knew Ms. Pearl would not keep quiet and sure enough ole MS. Pearl says …. Well, I DECLARE SUGAH, being from the south your momma should of taught you that when a southern woman has nothing else she still has her manners!....Didn’t your momma explain to you that….. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN YOUR MOUTH TO LIVE A RICH LIFE and haven’t you learned that in the long run STAINLESS STEEL IS MORE PRACTICAL, DON’T YOU THINK?”…. Stupid thing to say to her and where it came from is beyond me….Just goes to show you never know what Ms. Pearl might say…… lol… My crazy partner looks at me and says HUH! I laugh and say God I don’t know where that came from. I still haven’t a clue!
About an hour later my partners and I were in the office looking out the front doors when a sheriff’s car backs up on the sidewalk to the front door. We never take inmates in the front door so we had no idea what was going on. Then out of no where there were several officers surrounding this car where a female was in the back seat. I then grabbed my gloves because I knew this was not going to be good. Next minute their carrying her in to the jail and it takes all of them to keep her in custody. She was not a big girl in height but built like an athlete. (Come to find out at one time that’s exactly what she had been a few years back.)
I immediately started taking things out of her pockets and whatever jewelry she was wearing while they were carrying her because I knew that with the trouble she was giving them they were headed for the isolation tank with her. The girl was wearing five watches on both arms and enough change in her pockets to play for hours in a casino. I know on camera it must of looked pretty funny all these men carrying this woman and me trying to empty her pockets of all this change rolling all over the hall way and her screaming and calling us every name in the book. When I tried to get her belt off I swear ladies her head completely spun around just like in that horror movie and she started screaming YOU want me bitch!! Look at her trying to undress me the bitch wants me!!!!! Then she said I don’t know how many other crazy things but right before closing the door she turns to me and screams…..Bitch your going to hell!!!! …..Remember that picture I had of that woman on one of my post screaming well that’s how big and loud this woman was screaming at me. I kept thinking please Ms Pearl just ignore this woman because not only is the Chief carrying her but the Captain too. Hahahaha She again hollered your going to burn in hell for trying to touch my body. She then screams,” Look she’s a lezzy touching me and wanting me….” Gosh was I embarrassed.
Of course I had to have the last word or should I say, Ms Pearl did before the door shut… I told her “Honey JUST take a good look around you I am already in hell …….”
Honestly that was not the last word. Ended up for hours her screaming and me begging Ms. Pearl to not even go there with her. Thank goodness Ms Pearl was busy dealing with others.
It seems they brought her in because she was standing at the courthouse square shooting the finger at every one that drove by. Well being a small town that was just not heard of so off to the jail. Turns out we had to call MHMR and have her evaluated.
While dealing with her they bring in one drunk after the other. There was this one fool that kept trying his best to figure out how to open the cell door to holding. It was one of those times when you really had to be there to see how funny it looked. He kept asking me when I would walk by to please help him with this door because he could not get it open. Hahahaha I had to laugh at him because he just never gave up….
Then I pull out another drunk to book in and the answers he gave me to my booking questions were just toooooo funny.
Somehow he manages to stand up and get his picture taken but when I take him over to fingerprint him he passes out right on top of me. It had been a long day and I look down at him on the floor and I say “Yep this is hell!!!

Sweet Dreams Ladies!



Andrea said...

At least New Years Eve was eventful.
Blessings, andrea

Marie said...

Maggie, You know I've often envied many peoples jobs but I can honestly say, yours is not one of them. I'm so grateful to you for what you do. I don't know how you do it but I suppose if you can come home and write about it, that must be of some use to your mental state.

Great stories, my dear.


Oh Maggie, you really make me laugh. What a night you had. You are so funny, I can just imagine Ms. Pearl.I also want to thank you for your words of sympathy. They were so appreciated. Glad to have you back. Hugs, Linda

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Goodness Gracious, Maggie. You and Ms. Pearl sure know how to entertain your friends! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post today. Glad we could catch up!

Marla at Always Nesting said...

Maggie, some day you will certainly need to write a book. Hey, I'll be your manager and keep Mrs. Pearl out of trouble :) Seriously, these are the stories that good books and bad TV shows are made from.

The French Bear said...

Ha ha Maggie, I laughed so hard, how that reminds me of when I worked with the Mounties, doing VSU, sometimes I would be called to do the pat down. This one time, some chick screamed at me, I turned around to see who she was yelling at. I was so shocked to realize she was yelling at me!!!! It can be a long day sometimes!!!!
I love your response to the southern gal!!!!
Margaret B

sjmcdowell said...

Oh Maggie!! Your have your share of adventures
girl!! I wish we lived closer to each other and we would go to lunch together and shop!!
I think we both could use a break from lifes whirlwind!! Love ya kiddo!! Susan in Georgia.

Me....bunny said...

Man! I wish we were neighbors...I love hearing this stuff...why, I don't know. Sounds like you don't need horns and party favors to cebrate New Years


Jane Jeffress Thomas said...

You write some hilarious things. What a treat!!!

Sares said...

This post had me smiling huge all the way through! I do NOT envy you your work with these crazy people but at least you get some good blog fodder out of it! The rich bi*#@ sounded like a real hoot. Feelin' privileged was she! I love the stainless remark, it's a classic!

Arkansas Patti said...

You do meet the most delightful sorts don't you? Better thee than me but so glad you blog about it so we can sit in our safe houses where it is OK to laugh.
So glad someone is locking these idiots up. Glad you have Ms Pearl to let off the steam.
You go Pearl and so glad you are back.

Auntie Cake said...

Thanks for the stories, they made me laugh, and I would have been right there with Ms Pearl.... Maybe it's a good thing I was safely at home that night...
PS- hope you get the internet thing worked out!

Obee Designs said...

Hi Maggie,
Wow! What a way to ring in the New Year!! Yikes!! I guess it's all in a day's work. It could be worse, I guess, than dealing with drunks. Think of some of the creeps out there in this world. I'd hate to see what Miss Pearl would say to them!!
As far as Little Miss Southern girl goes, don't you just love people who think because of who they are that they should be able to negate any of their bad actions? What happened to accountability? It makes me crazy that she felt she was priviliged enough to think that she could get away with her bad behavior. She needed a good dose of reality and you were the person to give it to her! I hope she realized if she was stripped her down of her pretty clothes and shoes that she's no better than the rest of us? definitely worse, with her bad behavior...and I don't mean what she got arrested for! Her manners and mindset are what she should be ashamed of. I guess you see all kinds. It's a good thing you can laugh at these dopes!
Keep smiling, Maggie, aka Miss Pearl! I look forward to hearing more of your stories!
Have a great day!

Cherrie said...

Being so busy made the day go by faster for you! I love your stories! I could never do your job! Thank God for you because someone has to do it!
Happy New Years to you!

Tammy said...

Well now, we can't say you were bored on new years!! Hysterical. I often say to others, if people could only see how they behave when drunk, they would think twice about drinking every again. Tammy

Libbie said...

Oh no! You can sure tell it! I don't know how you do that! You could write a book-no a series of book! Gad to hear from you!

LuLu Kellogg said...

Oh have been missed!!

You and Miss Pearl need to write a book...for real. I don't know how you do it sweetie..putting up with all the crud but I know some of it has to be comical. Glad Miss Pearl came out and set Miss Alabama straight! Sounds like she got her knickers all in a twist. Stainless Steel is definitely a litte more practical *snort*


Nezzy said...

At least it's never boring! Great catch~up story.

Have a great day and so good to have ya'll back!!!

Deb said...

It is amazing what drinking does to people...funny stories..

Queen "B" said...

Aloha Sweet Maggie!
I sure do enjoy visiting your blog,it is a true pleasure, I think if I was a Hollywood producer we'd have a pretty good reality show, sounds like Dog the Bounty Hunter has nothing as good as you guys!! and he just has silly hair extensions !! we could have a great show on our hands! you definitely have a knack for writing,that's what makes great TV the real stuff.Anyway, sounds to me like you are just a sweet southern Bell!who happens to see it all;)
Aloha with hugs from across the sea

The Garden of Egan said...

Oh, Maggie, sounds like a day in the ER. Sometimes we gets 'em 'afore we send 'em to you!
Ya, I love being called every name in the book! NOT.
Hilarious. I think Ms Pearl should speak more often.
And about them heels, yikes! I see a broken ankle with them puppies.

tattered 'n torn prims said...

I gotta tell ya......I love Ms. Pearl!!! You should really let her loose a lil' more makes for great reading!! LOL!!


PEA said...

Maggggiieeeeee, so glad you're back:-) I always look forward to your posts, no matter what you're talking about, you get me giggling! lol My goodness, you certainly did have quite the interesting New Year's weekend!! You see and have to deal with things that most of us never see in our lives and thank goodness for that! lol It's unbelievable how some people act and like you, I would have a very hard time keeping quiet and would want to shake some sense into some of them. You have my utmost admiration for what you do!! Love ya. xoxo

Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

Oh Maggie what a day you had..glad you were able to keep yourself in it must be hard though not to say what you really want to say..:) you know you ought to send home videos of these folks so they can watch themselves and see what idiots they all are..might just sober them right up..we love watching "cops" and just shake our heads to see how stupid people are...hope your week goes by much better..:)

Karen said...

I love hearing about the adventures of "Ms. Pearl" :) You always give me a good chuckle. I always enjoy my visit with you---but sorry you had to have such an eventful night! Hope you're having a great week!

Queenmothermamaw said...

Hello Maggie, Thanks for your visits. I had time this morning to read your blog and got a great laugh. I am like Egan above, I am a retired nurse and sometimes we gotem before you did. LOL. I will be following your blog, but cannot get on your followers list since I have a glitch with Google, but your blog will be on my favorites list. Come again. Stay safe.

T's Daily Treasures said...

Oh Maggie! The things you go through. I think you need to write a book. Hilarious! When is the internet situation gonna be worked out? Hopefully sooner than later. Take care of yourself. Best wishes, Tammy

Protege said...

This was a really entertaining story, I guess not many of us can recollect a New Years Eve like that.;)

Kissed by an Angel said...

Maggie you are fantastic!!! I could not do your job for all the tea in China!!! Keep those stories coming though!!